Recently, as I arrived at work, I was greeted by someone who briefed me on the suffering experienced by the family of a young woman who committed suicide. The rest of the day followed suit and was filled with delicate interpersonal stresses that can lead to burnout if they remain unnoticed and unchecked.
Finally, as I was ready to leave at the end of the day, the phone rang. It was a psychologist that I mentor, calling to tell me that her husband had been diagnosed with cancer and would probably die within the year.
Sometimes and especially on days like the one described above, an interesting image comes to mind when I think of my own life and those of the professional helpers and “healers” who come to me for mentoring. The image is of a person standing in a pool facing the deep end with the water level just below his nose. As he stands there, he sees a line of people ready to jump off the diving board in “cannonball” fashion in order to make the greatest waves possible and thus inundate the fellow standing “nose deep” in the water.
In the average week or month there are real crises to deal with and daily stresses to handle. There are also people who call or write with petty problems and complaints that make me wonder: “Where do you get the time to be such a pain in my neck? Don’t you have anything else to do?” The real and unavoidable stresses can join with the irritating complaints to swamp and overwhelm us — especially if we don't have “safe zones” to protect us. Safe zones provide us with a respite, time for renewal and reappraisal, and a chance to have some good old-fashioned fun.
When adults feel safe, relax and have fun with their family or friends, therapists refer to it as “regression in the service of the ego.” It is a chance to be a kid again and to feel the freedom to be spontaneous, laugh, joke and tease people. When these places are absent in life, life becomes very dangerous.
When a spouse has to watch every word, when a coworker must always walk on eggs, when there are no places where we can be ourselves, then burnout is sure to follow. There needs to be interpersonal safe zones where we feel a space in which we can be free, ordinary … ourselves. If we don’t have spaces in our lives where we can simply be ourselves, we not only experience distress but also compassion fatigue, anomie, the real possibility of an unnecessary job change, divorce or a psychological disorder. The self is limited. It only has so much energy. If it is not renewed then depletion will take place and lead to unpleasant results.
When people feel under great stress both at home and at work, I suggest they check to see if they have other “safe zones” in their lives and if not, to implement them quickly. These include:
• Quiet walks by yourself;
• Time for meditation;
• Spiritual and recreational reading — including the diaries and biographies of others whom we admire;
• Some light exercise (as approved by one’s physician);
• Opportunities to laugh offered by movies, cheerful friends, etc.
• A hobby, possibly light gardening;
• Phone calls to family and friends who inspire and tease you;
• Involvement in projects that renew.
“Safe zones” are essential if we are to remain vital, compassionate and grateful in life. Too often we go too long without checking to see if these “interpersonal spaces” are present in our schedule and life. Unfortunately, we either take such things for granted or see them as luxuries, and before too long have to deal with consequences that we could have avoided through early intervention. We need to ask ourselves an important question and perhaps even do so on a daily basis: “If we don’t take primary responsibility for the care of ourselves and model healthy self-renewal for those who respect us, then whom do we think will do it?
(This article courtesy of the Arlington Catholic Herald.)
