The title of this article may be read in the interrogative or in the indicative. This writer would prefer it read in the former mood, as in “what is wrong with being a Catholic?”
Harrison Butker’s commencement address at St. Benedict’s College created a storm of protest so strong that it transcends immediate comprehension. The explosion that erupted was the result of the notion of “housewife,” which he applied to the future vocations of many of the Catholic female graduates.
At the 2024 ESPY (Excellence in Sports Performance Yearly Awards) ceremony in Hollywood, listeners were encouraged to “enjoy women’s sports as you would any other sport because they are sports.” At that that point, tennis star Serena Williams interjected, “Except you, Harrison Butker; we don’t need you.” Hostess Quinta Brunson added, “At all. Like, ever.”
Butker’s response was a model of gentility:
Sports are supposed to be the great unifier; and at an event dedicated to celebrating a diverse group of men and women who have accomplished great feats, she used it as an opportunity to disinvite those with whom she disagrees with from supporting fellow athletes.
What had Butker said that merited such intense animosity? “Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world,” Butker had stated to the women graduating, “but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”
However one reacts to this statement, it must be admitted that it hardly compares with the domestic violence that has been documented against certain NFL football players. How can we begin to comprehend the singular vehemence that has been directed toward Harrison Butker?
In the first place, there is a problem with Butker’s use of the word “homemaker” and its allusions to the word “housewife.” This is essentially a linguistic problem and is not the fault of the speaker. In the literal sense, a wife is not married to a “house,” nor does she make a “home.” These terms, unfortunately, can sound like entrapment. On the other hand, a man suffers no disparagement if he is referred to as a “garage mechanic” or an “auto maker.” These labels do not characterize him as a person but merely indicate his place of work or the kind of work he performs. A wife is not married to a home or a house but to her husband. This may be generally understood, but these days, it requires being re-examined.
Michael Keaton starred in the motion picture Mr. Mom, released in 1983. In the story, he had lost his job as an automotive designer and became a stay-at-home dad, while his wife, played by Terri Garr, took a job at an advertising agency. The film is a comedy, portraying Keaton in the improbable role of “housewife.” At the same time, the movie sent the message that it is natural (and not comical) for a woman to assume the duties of taking care of the house. The film, featuring a man as a househusband, became a comedy mainstay and made Michael Keaton a viable comic leading man.
The larger problem, however, has to do with love. We do things out of love that we would not do for any other reason. Freedom of choice is critical, but it is love that usually guides our choices. In the absence of love, humans become sluggish, uninspired, and reluctant to take the high road. Love is best expressed between people. We can love a good meal, a good concert, and even a good cup of coffee. But love in its truest connotation is between two people who have fallen in love with each other.
Love is fulfilling and, if honored properly, brings about a condition of happiness. As Plato wrote, happiness expresses itself as the desire to reproduce the beautiful. Love between a man and a woman has this character, and quite often this kind of love expresses itself as the desire to have children.
As love develops, the word “our” takes on increasing importance. There is “our” song, “our” favorite restaurant, “our” favorite movie, and “our” dreams. All these expressions indicate the desire for togetherness. But nowhere is the notion of “our” brought to its apogee than in having “our” children. Subsidiary to the children is “our” house and “our” home. What is “ours” is blessed and bestows value and joy upon things such as making meals, changing diapers, attending to sick children, and transforming a house into a home. Love makes labor lighter than liberty.
People who are in love talk differently than those who are not in love. When single people say, “I’ll never get married,” they often still do and therein find unexpected happiness. Love gives us a vision that we do not have when love is lacking. For happily married couples, each anniversary holds special meaning because it commemorates a choice for which they have good reason to rejoice.
Bishop Fulton J. Sheen eschews the terms “housework” and “housewife” when he speaks of the married woman who has become a mother. She is, in his words, “the sacristan and the guardian, the trustee and the wardess of their love.” One might almost say that a person who is in love becomes a different person.
Let no one talk about being a housewife who does not have a happy marriage to a loving partner.
Photo by Dane Deaner on Unsplash
