Our culture is out to get our kids. Parents need to be vigilant as they raise their children. There is no way to utterly escape the culture's influence unless you literally take them into the woods and never let them see so much as a billboard with a "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" message.
One way for parents to arm themselves is to drastically restrict the amount of elecronic media beaming daily into our homes. Teresa Tomeo's new book, Noise, is a helpful resource for parents looking for ideas on what to limit, how to limit, and why.
What I like most is Tomeo's thoughtful approach. Too often we are inclined to be all or nothing. We say no to all television, video games, iPods, and computers — which highly frustrates our kids. Or we say, it's useless to even try and we give up. (If I had to err, though, I would err on the side of strictness.)
There is so much to consider, that it's important to have a thought-out plan. Granted, this plan will be constantly evolving and unique to each family's situation.
When my own children were growing up, after passing the Sesame Street and Mister Rogers years, my plan was no Nintendo and no broadcast television. At the time, broadcast televsion was not as bad as it is now, but the commercials were often salacious.
I know this is a difficult issue for many husbands, especially those hooked on sports or the news. I am a widow, and I am not sure if my late-husband would have gone along with the no television plan if he had been living. Today, I enjoy watching television, but, if I had little ones around, it would be off — if only to spare them the E.D. ads.
A noticeable benefit of our no broadcast television plan was that it included no Saturday morning cartoons. My kids never hounded me for the latest kid toy. Once, while we were at a museum, a tour guide asked my children then 5 and 7 what their favorite TV show was and they stared at him blankly.
Things began to change when my mother-in-law insisted on getting me a satellite so that I could watch EWTN. It cost her $800! Every penny was worth it, as our whole family really enjoyed getting to know Mother Angelica and family.
We also enjoyed the stations that broadcast the old television shows from the 50s. Since my kids had been exposed to very little violence or scary subject matter, they were real wimps. Once I came into the living room and they were hiding behind a chair. I asked them what was wrong, and they pointed to the television. Lassie was in trouble!
A few years later the computer and the Internet came into our lives. The first time we had a problem was when my daughter, then about 9, was looking for a picture of our Blessed Mother on some encyclopedia software. You guessed it. She found a picture of the female rock singer who has stolen our dear mother's name, and she was dressed entirely inappropriately. My daughter started screaming and begged me to turn it off.
While my children were little, I had no trouble enforcing our television rules. As they came into their teen years it was different. I started letting them watch the teen sit-coms on the Disney Channel. Overall, they were wholesome, funny, and always taught a moral virtue. They were like an updated and more hip Father Knows Best, a show from the 1950s.
Yet that seemed to whet their appetite for more. Soon it was more difficult to keep the television off for other programming. Although we had been happily homeschooling, they both now wanted to go to the public high school. Could those cute Disney Channel kids — having a blast in their TV-land high school — been a factor in their newfound desire?
Next came the video games. My son saved up his paper route money and bought his own television set and X-box. Music became an issue, too. My daughter got one of the first iPods for Christmas. (I confess I bought it for her, and I have no clue what I was thinking.)
I always thought I would closely monitor my kids' music and nothing wretched would ever enter our household. I confess I didn't. I did make some weak attempts to monitor the music. Sometimes, I found songs that sounded awful would have harmless lyrics, and some songs that sounded delightful had awful lyrics. I did overrule some choices. But when I looked at the stacks of CDs and stared at the iPod that could hold 5000 songs, I got overwhelmed. At the same time, I found myself trying to explain to them why downloading music illegally was stealing. Over and over. I'm sure their desire for the music was overriding any logic I could deliver.
MySpace next entered the scene. I was able to see what was going on — kids are sloppy and sometimes leave Web pages open. I wasn't always pleased with what I saw. So I talked with the kids about safety and using godly language.
As I write this, I get a bit of an understanding about why it was so difficult. So much new technology was coming at us so fast. I have a feeling it's only going to continue from here on out. That's why parents need to arm themselves with as much information as possible, including Tomeo's book, which lists resources for keeping up-to-date.
Looking back, there are media choices (sins?) I wish my kids hadn't indulged in. It's very difficult knowing when to give your maturing children a lot of line and when to reel them in. I don't think it can be quantified. My way was to try and follow my instincts and, hopefully, the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
As we wade through all this technology and media morass with our children, I think we need to truly focus on keeping the lines of communication open. I do this today by discussing with them my own personal problems with the media. I wish I were saint enough to never see a movie again, unless it's completely clean. But, I'm not. I'm too much a child of this culture myself.
So I share my own struggles with my adult children, especially if they want to see a film that I think is "over the edge." I sympathize with them that they want to see it because it's very funny; so do I. And then I ask, but do you really want to promote such and such, by buying a ticket?
But, back to parents with younger children. I do want to especially encourage you to unplug as much as possible. My children and I had many wonderful evenings reading books. Usually my kids would sketch in a sketchbook while I read. We read long books like Robinson Crusoe and silly books like Hank the Cowdog. This lasted until my daughter was 13 and my son 11. Even at those ages, when I would try to stop reading, the kids would always beg me, "Read more, read more!"
That could never have happened if the television had not been controlled or an X-Box was in the house.
P.S. My daughter who proofed this article for me suggests that dads who are reluctant to unplug their televisions might try TiVo.
P.P.S. Both my children have a strong faith life and have never strayed from the Church.
