It is clear: Holy Mother Church has always stated unequivocally that contraception is an impermissible means of avoiding pregnancy. But what leads many couples of good will to confusion is the fact that the Church does not lay out for us in minute details what constitutes the “serious reason” a couple must have in order to use NFP to postpose a pregnancy.
Here is what the Church does say: “If therefore there are reasonable grounds for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that then marries people may take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and use their marriage at precisely those times that are infertile, and in this way control birth…” (Humanae Vitae, n. 16).
And “For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2368). Pope Pius XII says that serious motives, such as “medical, eugenic, economic, and social” reasons, can exempt a couple from the obligation of bearing children (“Address to the Italian Catholic Union of Midwives”).
But these are only broad guidelines. Immediately, husbands and wives find themselves faced with the nitty-gritty details. What qualifies as an “economic” reason? Utter poverty? Needing both incomes in order to buy a decent house? Does severe morning-sickness count as a “serious” medical reason for avoiding pregnancy? Does “psychological” reasons mean you have to really be going crazy, and not just feel like you are? How about wanting a few years of marriage to get used to your spouse before the children come: is that a “just” social reason?
You won’t find a Church document with a list of acceptable grounds for postponing pregnancy — and this is good and right. The first reason is that such a list is impossible. There is no way to measure the interior circumstances, such as the spouses’ psychological health. Even the external circumstances like economic factors are impossible to measure: imagine trying to come up with an NFP-justifying poverty line. You could, in principle, include such factors as the area’s cost of living, but you’ll never come up with an accurate skills index. How much, in dollars, is it worth to have the time and talent to fix your car yourself, instead of paying a mechanic? How do you quantify a talent for thrift?
But imagine such a list were possible. Imagine the Church proclaiming — in an encyclical — an official mathematical formula, into which you could compute all relevant factors. You could buy special computer software that would compute your “NFP index” and determine whether you’re called to have that next child right away, or whether you’re morally entitled to wait.
If you can get past the absurdity, you can see that something’s still missing in this picture, and it is this: the couple’s personal encounter with God. They should see childbearing as a mission of their marriage — God’s particular call to them, personally, and not just a general rule for couples; and so their decisions about how to fulfill this mission should be made not merely on the basis of calculations — even moral calculations — but in consultation with the mission-Giver. The Church’s moral teachings are a great gift, because they save us from the bad effects of innocent wrong-doings; they can stop us from unknowingly messing up our lives, if we’re humble enough to listen. But they don’t replace a tryst with the Creator — and who would want them to?
I am emphatically not saying that there isn’t a right or wrong answer to the question “should we avoid or attempt pregnancy right now?” There’s always a right answer; but the question may be the kind that has to be asked directly of God. He may answer it through a miraculous revelation, or through the growth of a conviction, or even through mathematical calculations about interest rates, or in some other way. Couples’ stories about how they came to realize whether God was asking them to have another baby are as unique and personal as religious conversion stories.
A couple who is wondering whether to try to conceive the next child will assess many life-circumstances: their health, their finances, the signs of the times. But none of these in itself determines the answer to their question. Ultimately, the only reason to seek or avoid pregnancy is that, according to the couple’s discernment, God is calling them to do it. The circumstances the couple assess should not be seen so much as factors in the decision as much as possible indications of God’s will.
(This article is reprinted with permission from Canticle Magazine, the Voice of Today's Catholic Woman. For subscription information please go to
www.canticlemagazine.com or call 1-888-708-0813).
