The Importance of Family Dinner

Missing Dinner

A recent study from the University of Michigan indicates, however, that despite the obstacles, making time for family dinners is well worth the effort. In fact, shared family mealtimes are a more powerful predictor of children’s well-being than any other activity — more than time spent in school, studying, church, playing sports or art activity. What’s more, teens who have dinner with their families five or more nights a week are less likely than their peers to smoke cigarettes, try alcohol or experiment with marijuana. Also, children who participate in regular family mealtimes on average get better grades in school than their peers and are more likely to have healthy eating habits.

Six years ago, Neal and Jill Kimball of Winter Park, Florida, came to a sudden realization that family dinners were an important element of healthy family life that their family was lacking. At the time, Neal was a successful but often-absent businessman and Jill was an at-home mother to their four young children. Work required Neal to travel almost 50% of the time and as a result of his demanding schedule, family dinnertime became a rare event. Even when he was home, Neal was often too exhausted and distracted to engage in family activities. Jill sensed that their family life was somehow deficient, but could not pinpoint exactly what was wrong.

“We were reading a lot about parenting and learning about the importance of connecting with your kids on a regular basis,” recalls Neal. “But we still weren’t sure what we were doing wrong.”

It was during a 14-hour family car ride that the couple finally had an opportunity to discuss their family life at length and they realized that they both wished to eat family dinners together more often.

“It was a real ‘V-8 moment,’” says Neal. “We wanted that every-day family togetherness but weren’t sure how to get it until that day when we both said ‘Dinner! That’s what we’re missing!’”

After recognizing the problem, the Kimballs put their heads together to figure out how they could make family mealtimes more frequent and more enjoyable. The answer came in the form of “Family Table Time,” a kit the couple designed to help families like their own grow closer together through regular communication around the dinner table.

The kit includes a re-usable tablecloth on which kids and grownups alike can write out a family mission statement and list their family’s core values. The accompanying resource guide helps families make the commitment to gathering together around the table on a regular basis and facilitates open communication during these family times.

“It’s all about helping families draw closer together and keeping open the lines of communication,” says Jill. “What used to be so ordinary and natural in families — eating meals together — is becoming less and less of a reality, so we hope to help families put their desire for regular mealtimes into practice.”

Getting Re-connected

Many other Catholic families do maintain a commitment to sharing regular mealtimes, despite numerous obstacles. For example, Barbara and Paul Waldorf of Minneapolis, Minnesota, gather around the family dinner table with their six children nearly every night of the week.

“It’s not something I did in my family when I was growing up,” says Barbara. “When we got married, though, it was just something that we agreed was important — having family dinners together.”

Barbara doesn’t use just the actual mealtime around the table to nurture family communication and togetherness, though. She also makes profitable use of the time spent preparing the food and cleaning up afterwards.

“I love to have the kids help me make dinner, but we do have a small kitchen,” she explains. The space constraints led her to an innovative idea: she established the “Kid of the Day.”

“The ‘Kid of the Day’ is assigned on a rotating basis. Every day, the assigned child gets to help me prepare the dinner and clean up afterwards — just the two of us in the kitchen.”

That opportunity for regular one-on-one time with Mom is something the children have come to treasure. The Waldorf kids plan out the whole year ahead of time and make up a “Kid of the Day” schedule on the family calendar.

“I know they count on it,” says Barbara. “That’s when they might bring up things they want to talk with me about. It’s one of the few times in a day where they can be guaranteed to have my undivided attention.”

Though the Waldorfs have experimented with things like Scripture-reading at the table or holding planned, organized family discussions, Barbara insists these things are not a necessary part of a beneficial family mealtime experience.

“It’s just nice to have a time in each day when you can count on coming together and getting re-connected. We talk about things that are important to us. The kids even pick up a lot of our values just by listening to grown-up conversations during dinner.”

Too Much Outside Activity

Father Kevin Barrett, chaplain at Catholic Familyland in Bloomingdale, Ohio, shares the Kimballs’ and Waldorfs’ firm belief in the value of shared family mealtimes.

“Family meals are so critical. Because they are a time of coming together and mutual enjoyment, they can be such an effective means of human interaction and communication. It’s not an accident that Jesus gave us some of His most important messages and the precious gift of the Eucharist during a shared meal.”

Fr. Barrett is disturbed by the current trend of modern families toward committing to too much outside activity, and suggests that making a commitment to share regular meals together can be a healthy alternative.

“Families today are fractured by too much activity,” he says. “Even Sunday mornings aren’t seen as sacred anymore as many sports events are scheduled at that time. Most of these activities are not bad in themselves, but when there are too many of them they make for an unhealthy family life. If families would just decide to eat dinners together as a family and schedule other activities around that time, they would reap many rewards.”

Chief among these rewards is an opportunity for parents to instill moral values and knowledge of the Catholic Faith in their children. Fr. Barrett suggests that parents use the Catechism of the Catholic Church as a guide to designing family dinnertime discussions about important topics.

“It doesn’t have to be too much work. Pick a theme, look it up in the Catechism, and then encourage children to share their thoughts about it. Parents really are called to be the primary educators of their children and this is a simple way to do that.”

Jill Kimball agrees whole-heartedly. “Shared mealtimes are a powerful tool,” she says. Family dinnertime is a precious opportunity where parents can meet their kids’ physical needs and their spiritual needs — all at the same time.”

Danielle Bean is a freelance writer and mother of seven. Her newly-released book is My Cup of Tea: Musings of a Catholic Mom. Read an excerpt, order your copy, and read her daily musings at: www.daniellebean.com.

(This article originally appeared in the National Catholic Register.)

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