It is a gross understatement to say that we live in very trying times. Our country is at war, our economy is a mess, atheists are one of the fastest growing groups in our country and our families are under siege. My intent is not to depress you, but get your attention on the reality of the world in which we live. In times of adversity, many of us slow down, take stock and reevaluate our priorities.
I have been reflecting much of late on my sons, ages 7 and 11, and the world they will inherit from our generation. I think about the struggles my wife and I have with raising kids today in a world that doesn’t seem to value children or even respect human life. I am not an expert on this topic. I am merely a parent who loves his children. My credibility comes from the fact that I struggle with these issues, just like you. I am also a careful observer of others and am sincerely interested in what is going on in people’s lives. This article is for all parents who are recognizing in these difficult times that our relationships with God and our children are at risk and offers some suggestions on how to recapture lost ground.
[Editor’s note: Author Randy Hain will be interviewed on Sacred Heart Radio at 6:50 a.m. EST on Tuesday, November 18th to discuss his article “Surrogate Gods, Surrogate Parents” with morning host Brian Patrick. You can listen to the show from your computer by clicking on this link: http://www.sacredheartradio.com/ You will see a link to “listen live” which will allow you to hear Randy’s interview. ]
A Simpler Time
I grew up in a home where both my parents worked to make ends meet. There were years that my dad worked two jobs to help support our family. We had few extras, but we had what we needed. If I wanted spending money, I worked a number of jobs to earn it. What our family did have in abundance were love, encouragement and a focus on the importance of values. My parents always made time for my sister and me; and family dinner time was sacred. They were genuinely interested in what we were doing at school. As tired as my father was after work, he would play catch with me every evening and on weekends. My mother was our emotional bedrock and I always admired what a great team she and my father formed — in fact they just celebrated their 43rd wedding anniversary. We had rules in our house and I knew the boundaries that I could not cross. Faith was very important to my parents and church, Sunday school, and prayer were staples in our household. My childhood was by no means perfect, but I am grateful for my experience and how it has shaped me today.
I suspect that many of us have similar fond memories and “Norman Rockwell” moments in our past. I would suggest that a bond that connects most of our various childhood experiences is simplicity. We didn’t have as many distractions, technology was still under our control (versus the pervasive influence it has on us today) and values and character still mattered. Regardless of your religious affiliation, you probably found fewer obstacles back then to your relationship with the Lord. I am a realist in my early 40’s and understand very well the technology-driven world in which we live, but as I grow older I am hardening against a neo-modernist, “everything goes” version of the future and looking more to the lessons of the past for guidance.
Surrogate Gods
I am increasingly alarmed by the obsession and addiction to consumerism and materialism that seems to drive so many parents today. The media and retail advertisers have insinuated themselves into every electronic gadget or print product we own, use or see every day. We have been sold for decades on the idea of a lifestyle that is filled with fun, convenience and, dare I say, guilt if we don’t pursue this artificial paradise. The push is to buy, buy, buy…and then buy some more!
The focus on acquiring material goods drives many of us to work harder and harder to make more money to buy bigger houses, nicer cars and cooler gadgets. This obsession often pulls both parents into the work force to support their lifestyle, keep up with the neighbors or satisfy some deep inner emptiness. There is nothing wrong with a nice lifestyle, but how much is enough? And more importantly, at the end of your life, can you take it with you?
In Matthew 6:19-21 our Lord said: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” This clear direction from Jesus means we need to take better inventory of our lives. We need to make sure that God is not just one of our priorities, but instead He must be the top priority. As Jesus said in Matthew 6:24, 33-34: “No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”
This focus on acquiring the things of this world takes our focus away from God. Again, please don’t misunderstand me; supporting our families comfortably is not in itself wrong. I am talking about the excessive pursuit of material goods that takes our focus away from the Lord and our faith journies. There is a word that I have learned in the past year that squarely addresses this problem: detachment. As Francis Fernandez said in In Conversation with God:
An effective detachment from everything we have and are is necessary if we are to follow Jesus, if we are to open our hearts to our Lord, who is passing by and calls out to us. On the other hand, attachment to earthly things closes our doors to Christ and closes the doors to love and to any possibility of understanding what is most essential in our lives.
Think about the key words we place before the material things we desire during the course of a day: “I want”, “I need” or “I love.” Now, replace these material things with God and use the same key words. We should all want, need and love God and our thoughts should always be of Him.
Even though I have focused primarily on the problems of materialism, please also recognize how we can also create false gods out of our work or the pursuit of pleasure (drugs, gambling, sex, sports, hobbies, etc.). Any object, activity or feeling that has our excessive, disordered attachment and devotion is coming between us and our Heavenly Father and is, in effect, a surrogate god. What if we challenge ourselves to be good stewards of our gifts and abundance? Consider the impact on our relationship with God and our community as well as the inspiration our children will receive if we place more emphasis on charitable giving than acquiring things we don’t need?
Tomorrow: “Surrogate Parents”
