This is the first of several articles under the general title of “Don't forget to ask.” In some areas of life, it is important to know what questions to ask to avoid problems, disappointments and, in some cases, disasters.
This week, we'll talk about schools. Suppose your child comes home with a report card indicating that he is failing a subject. Don't forget to ask the school what diagnostic tests will be given in order to pinpoint the problem. Further, don't forget to ask what changes will be made in his study program based on the test results.
If, at a parent conference, the teacher says your child is failing because he is just plain lazy, don't forget to ask her to describe the behavior that qualifies labeling your child as “lazy.” One person's definition of “lazy” may not be another's.
In addition, labels are abstract concepts, whereas descriptions of behavior are concrete. You can change behavior, but abstract labels do not change and tend to stick. Don't forget to ask to see your child's cumulative record folder before it is sent on to middle or high school. Read the contents to ascertain if your child has been labeled. If so, ask that the labels be removed.
If you are given achievement test results that indicate your child is not up to grade level by the end of second grade, don't forget to ask what happens in third grade if he cannot read science, social studies and math texts that are at third- grade level. Don't forget to ask what concrete programs are available and can immediately be put in place to help your child to be successful in the next grade. Don't forget to ask your school's policy on social promotions.
The school counselor calls and tells you that your child has Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity and possibly needs a prescription. Don't forget to ask to have a meeting with the Child Study Team and bring someone with you who is knowledgeable and who can support you so that you are not overwhelmed or outnumbered. Don't forget to ask the team to describe the behavior that qualifies for that label. Don't forget to ask what steps the school has taken or is willing to take in order for your child to succeed with or without Ritalin. Don't forget to ask what the school believes your role should be. Don't forget to ask for follow-up meetings to assess progress or lack of it.
The teacher recommends that your child repeat the grade. Don't forget to ask what changes will be made in the program so that he will be more successful the second time around. Don't forget to ask for a conference with the new teacher to tell her about your child and his learning style. Talk about what he can do, not what he cannot do. Don't forget to ask the teacher to give you frequent progress reports and to ask what you can do to help.
Your son's birthdate is one day before the cut-off date for kindergarten. If he goes, he will be the youngest in the class. Don't forget to ask if the kindergarten teacher is trained in early childhood development. Don't forget to ask if the curriculum is a kindergarten one or more like first grade. Don't forget to ask if your son is developmentally ready for an accelerated kindergarten curriculum. If not, give him another year before enrolling him in school.
Parents can help each other by sharing their successful experiences in asking the right questions and their unsuccessful experiences or disasters in not asking the right questions.
(You may visit Nancy Devlin's website at www.nancydevlin.com.)
