“Respectfully Yours” is an outmoded complementary close to a letter, the likes of which Rodney Dangerfield most likely never received. The much-loved comedian used “I get no respect” as a personal punchline that launched an eminently successful career. Here are a trio of his witticisms: “I met the Surgeon General. He gave me a cigarette.” “I asked my dad if I could go ice skating on the lake. He told me to wait until the weather gets warmer.” “I told my wife that I am like wine. I get better with age. So she locked me in the cellar.” The person who is not respected pays a high price.
Audiences howled every time Rodney Dangerfield (né Jacob Rodney Cohen) uttered his pet phrase. Not getting respect is a grievance to which we can all relate. A frustrated parent is wont to say, “How about a little respect around here?” Dangerfield freely admits his misfortune, which, of course is fictitious, but his life goes on. His humor siphons off some of the pain we feel when we fail to get respect. It frees us from guilt to know that it is not our fault when we fail to get respect. It is a universal phenomenon that begs for what seems to be a simple remedy. Why can we not just respect each other? What is holding us back?
On a most basic level, we should respect people because they are children of God. We should always keep this in mind. According to Confucius, “Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?” The philosopher/theologian Stanley Hauerwas, who taught at Notre Dame before moving to Duke University, has stated the matter clearly: “For there can be no love without respect, and respect must be built on a perception of the other’s right of existence as he is, not as he has worth for me.”
Hauerwas himself received a great deal of respect when Time magazine named him “America’s Best Theologian” in 2001. This form of respect, however, was earned. It is a secondary form of respect added to the respect we are due for simply existing as a being who was created by a loving God. Fundamental respect is not earned; it is owed to us as our birthright. In fact, from a Christian point of view, it is demanded.
Athletes often crave respect and point to their statistics to justify it. They do not always get the respect they deserve (or think they deserve). The opinion of others counts heavily in their minds. They should understand, however, that respect that is earned is also respect that can be lost. The most important and unchanging basis for respect is that we, like all others, are cut from the same cloth as human beings. Let us not fret over the amount of respect we think we deserve. Fundamental respect is something to which we all have a claim.
On another level, there is respect for authority. Teachers, officers of the law, members of the medical profession, and many others should receive respect for their office. One should respect his superiors, which is to say, those who are better trained or better experienced in their profession. To refer to parents and elders as “old fogies,” to policeman as “pigs,” to psychiatrists as “shrinks,” and to scholars as “egg heads” exemplifies an absence of due respect. We should have respect for the law, although we should keep in mind the words of Winston Churchill: “If you have ten thousand regulations, you destroy all respect or the law.”
Self-respect is based on our recognition that God has respected us. Therefore, we conduct ourselves with the dignity that is appropriate to a being who has been knighted by the Creator. People often say to another, “Don’t do that! Where is your self-respect?” Respect is multi-layered, or many-splendored. In 1 Peter 2:17, we read: “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”
Respect for others is a buttress against disagreements that can escalate into anger and hostility. “I value your opinion, but I respectfully disagree with you” is an attitude that allows a discussion to continue and preserve a friendship. No person should be defined by the particular opinion he has at the moment. Our opinions often change, they may be poorly thought out, or simply erroneous. They should never be identified with who we are at rock bottom. We are the stable element that undergirds our opinions. To have one’s opinion rejected should never be taken as a personal rejection. Also, we can profit from opinions we do not accept as long as we entertain them with respect. G.K. Chesterton confessed, “I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”
Respect, of course, should be tempered. As Albert Einstein has asserted, “Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized.” Respect should not lead to fawning. Excessive adulation leads to a diminishment of respect for oneself. Respect is realistic. It is situated between apathy and hero-worship.
With regard to all the levels of respect, one attitude unites them all. It is that we honor something good that we did not create, either something that exists within ourselves or something worthy of respect that lives in others.
Photo by Ambre Estève on Unsplash
