Only Sex, No Intimacy of the Heart?

eucharist 2As you tell us, Jesus: “My food is to do the will of the one who sent me” (Jn 4:34).

It is by living in the Divine Will that we find life and nourishment.

Truly in the Most Holy Eucharist, your Kingdom has “come on earth as it is in Heaven” (Jn 6:10); and thus as we turn to you, tap into you, reach out and touch you in the “breaking of the Bread,” “your will [will] be done” in our lives.

You tell us “unless you eat my body and drink my blood you have no life within you.”  As we take you into us, we become living, consecrated hosts of your presence in this world, to bring communion with you to all of humanity.

But how do we allow ourselves to be such receptive brides in receiving you, to the point of becoming one with you? It is by growing in knowledge and love of you, spending time with you in your Eucharistic presence, in your sacred word.

What would a marriage be if the husband and wife only entered into the sexual act, thinking this is all they need to grow in communion??

First they must get to know one another and foster a deep bond of the heart.

Can we see the parallel? How many marriages are faltering, or just not fulfilling because growing in a personal intimacy of the heart in not there.

How many holy communions are made with the same disposition of a disconnected heart in this “one flesh union”.

If the husband and wife are not disposed to one another with a bond of the deeper heart, the physical communion will be unfruitful, and even can have adverse effects (whether one is conscious of it or not).

As we as Catholics receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist, our Divine Bridegroom is giving himself fully to us, calling forth His bride to receive him. But are we as bride really open and disposed to receive Him? Are we aware of whom it is we are receiving? Do we have a deep bond of the heart with him, that allows us to be vulnerable and enter fully into this nuptial communion of life and love?

This is why we must spend quiet time with Him each day, to get to know Him personally; to share our lives and our hearts with Him, so that when we receive Him it won’t be a mere obligational fulfillment, but rather a fulfillment of the deepest longing, that reaches to the core of who we are.

“Let the King bring me into His chamber…into his wine cellar…that I may drink deeply of love.” (cf. Song of Songs)


Lilla Marie Lottinger is a lay missionary living in Houma, LA. Her mission website is: She can be contacted at lillamarie727 at

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  • jmjriz

    “First they must get to know one another and foster a deep bond of the heart.”
    Amen Sister!
    Here is a deeper look that may get people thinking of the Fullness of Truth:

  • lightedlamp97

    With many small children it is so hard for me at mass. Like last Sunday, I got vomited (head to toe, I might add:) seconds before communion. Is there a practical way for a mother to draw deeper into prayer during mass? Does anyone have any insight into that? I do personal adoration every couple of weeks and I hear God calling me to the Eucharist. But, there are many hurdles to conquer to get to him. How do I stay in that state of friendship while being so distracted with duty? If anyone has a morsel for me to think about I’d love to hear it. Thanks!

  • 3221

    Sister Lilla, I cannot thank you enough for your beautiful words. This is the truth; this is what Jesus has taught me too. This is thew way to enter more deeply into the the LIfe of God for which we are each destined. I ask God to bless you for sharing as you did.

  • Agnes

    My mother, who had ten children, used to say (and it helped me when my children were young) that the work involved with caring for children (even during mass) and housework WAS prayer. So you are closer to God than you think! And remember that the Holy Spirit prays for us when we cannot. 🙂

  • Lee

    Firstly, there has to be many mothers in heaven who felt that they were not getting everything out of Mass they wanted.Agnes’ response is such a blessing. God works through others. When you can, take your babies with you to visit the Blessed Sacrament in the quiet, giving personal gratitude for them and thanks for blessings received.They can be taught the respect needed to be given, but they can also be taught that Jesus loves them for coming and being with Him. Get some pictures of Jesus and Mary for them to carry to help visually appreciate who they are visiting. I did not know about all this,so I went through your same trials, never missing Mass on Sunday. And that vomit thing is SAD, but you know what? Every mommy has been there and didn’t like it either. Take your babies up the isle to the Eucharist with you and they will grow to desire a share in that themselves. You are their teacher.God bless your work.

  • Missy

    lightedlamp, my heart goes out to you. I was in your shoes. It is possible to go to daily Mass with many young children. When we began homeschooling in the 90s, it was the norm to see other mothers with 8 or 10 young children in the pews at daily Mass. Now, at least in our area, very few of us go to daily Mass. It took me years to realize that God had my heart at Mass whether he had my complete attention or not. The yearning for God that is growing is a sign of union and not a sign of a failure to pay attention. It’s painful, but part of the journey and is nourished by Our Lord in the Eucharist. Your children’s attendance at Mass will be life changing and God will richly bless your efforts beyond what will be known in this world. Some suggestions that worked for me: Sit in the cry room (have the older ones sit in the church where you can see them), sit in the car with the screaming little ones and let the older ones sit with someone in church (older woman will gladly do this if asked) and go for Communion, put the oldest kids in two rows in front of you, the next oldest in the one directly in front of you and the littles with you. If you have all preschoolers, go into the church for the readings and then go out, walk around the church a few times and return for holy communion. Be creative, let this be a part of your day. The people in the church will figure out what’s going on and if you smile and are open, they will figure out a way to help. It worked out for me despite having attending at least a half dozen different churches over the years. Where there is a will, there is a way. I only have a few left at home and mothers of many often tell me that they hope to have as many vocations as we have among our children. I try to tell them that daily Mass makes the difference. All of our children who have vocations received their call at daily Mass while still young or in their early teens at adoration.

  • missy

    Beautiful article, sister.

  • Yvonne

    Thank you

  • Lilla Marie

    Dear Lightedlamp, Greetings! It seems others have shared some good advice. I’d like to add a further “morsel”.
    I just think it’s important that give yourself space to be right where you are at Mass, even if it is the “frazzeled mother.” Our Lord is not expecting you to be anywhere else. The secret is to invite Him into the center of the “frazzeledness.”
    You may already know this secret and I’m only confirming it. But Jesus longs to be right there at the center of it with you. He’s wanting your heart amidst the struggle. This is where our peace comes from. It’s not about rising above it to be with Him. As Pope JPII so beautifully shares in his TOB.
    I think of the Scripture of the Apostles in the boat with the storm and Jesus is sleeping. A “ferocious squall came up.” That may be how you feel in such situations… but Jesus is there to “calm the storm”… at least the storm within us, as He says, “Quiet, be still!” When we let Him be with us in it we can have calm amidst it. And, oh, yes, our Mother helps us to do this. Whenever I’m feeling “frazzeled” or the like, I renew my consecration to her, to be renewed in being “under the spout where the grace is pouring out” in the present moment.
    I just wrote an article about inviting our Lord into the rooms in our heart we find ourselves in at various times. It’s on the home page of CE today, “The Open Rooms of Mary’s Heart.” It speaks some of what I’m referring to in case interested.
    Blessings to you and thanks for your comment.