Finally exasperated, Martha says to Jesus, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her, then, to help me.”
And our Lord responds, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Most of my life, I have “sided” with Martha over Mary. Jesus' response to Martha seemed harsh and unfair. Once the kids came along, I decided that Martha really got a bad rap. Small children can seem like little tyrants who order about their serf (mom), especially to a self-absorbed, bookish mom with undisciplined homemaking skills. Indeed, I used to pray to God, “Please let them grow up fast!”
What I guess I really meant was, “Tell them to help me!” I really had no idea how to involve my children in the daily duties of the household. Furthermore, I confess to enough perfectionism that I did not desire their substandard contributions to my perfect little dream house. So, I was praying for God to change the kids, when in fact the problem rested with moi.
I figured it out eventually. Confession is vital for truth in the inward soul, and it was there that I discovered my empathy with poor Martha masked a deeper issue. Always, always, there is the sin of anger I have to confess, where I have lost my temper with my husband and my children. I was shocked to find a little scoreboard in my head. Every time I went the extra mile on my own strength, a little tick went off in my head. All through the days, weeks, months, and years, I had been keeping score. And was I ever a martyr — just like Martha!
Now, we can imagine that Martha was indeed angry when she pointed out that Mary had left her to do all the work. She may not have even sounded angry, and she probably said her piece in a respectful tone of voice. However, Jesus rebukes her anyway. Why? Here is what I needed to learn: When I count the cost of my service to Him, I am not actually serving Him. And when I am not serving Him, chances are good I am adding a list of little extra duties on the top just to please my ego.
Mary had chosen the better portion, and it would not be taken from her. Too often, women will offer their busyness to the Lord, when in reality He is calling them to sit at His feet in prayer. God desires only that unique and deep love that only you can give him. Our various worldly loves, even ones given to us through our vocation, pale in comparison to the love that God wishes to bestow on our hearts.
There are times when we please God by performing our duties. However, we must be sure that we rely on His help, and give Him the greater glory when His radiance shines about our heads. This is the key to detachment.
We do not disembody ourselves, pretending we feel nothing. We do not ignore the problems of our lives, and the pain they cause. Rather, we attach ourselves so firmly to the Sacred Heart that every pain is washed in the tender mercy of His presence. This is what he means in the Gospel, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Mary has chosen the better portion. She chose to sit at His feet and trust that the necessary work would happen. If it had been her divine duty to help, do you not think Jesus would have told her to help? But He did not. Did Jesus love Martha less because she shouldered a heavier burden? No! He loves each one of us with the perfect love. His goal is to unite Himself with us so completely that our hearts will begin to form the Kingdom of God — right here and now! As individuals vary, so too do individual duties. “Those to whom much has been given, much is expected.”
So, I have been given six children and, as it happens, they have grown a bit as my heart has mellowed. Some of my children actually do chores. My standards of cleanliness have mellowed as well. My younger kids actually believe that they help me. Saint Mary reminds me to put first things first, and so I spend more time telling the kids to help me when I need it, and asking Jesus to keep me from the scoreboard mentality which causes all of us to lose.
(This article is reprinted with permission from Canticle Magazine, the Voice of Today's Catholic Woman.)
