An Apprenticeship in Virtue
The home is the premier place for an apprenticeship in virtue, and the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage enables the parents to guide their little apprentices to mastery (CCC 2225).
Although the tendency to sin is there from the beginning, MaryCatherine is not culpable until she knows she is sinning, or until she has a “moral sense.” A moral sense can be awakened in a child at what we call the Age of Reason. This generally occurs by age seven, but can happen earlier. The Age of Reason is the stage of development at which the child begins to reason enough to deliberately choose to sin.
These early sins are usually disobedience, defiance, or dishonesty. There is a difference between four year old “Gracie” getting into the cookie jar after having been told not to, and seven year old “Johnny” doing it in the same circumstances. Gracie is driven only by her passion for the cookie and does not necessarily think “I will do it even though Mommy said NO”. Johnny, however, will probably close the door, listen for your footsteps and stealthy climb the counter. He will also feel some level of guilt if he has been consistently disciplined up until this age. Four-year-old Gracie, if caught, may just run the other way eating the cookie with every step!
The seven-year-old child’s guilt is the key to his growth in holiness. It is a sign that there is some level of order instilled in his soul that will enable him, with grace, to avoid sin in the future. A question still remains though: Where does Johnny get the grace necessary to fight his tendency?
First, like my daughter MaryCatherine, Johnny receives sanctifying grace (the Life of God) in Baptism. As he grows, that grace is strengthened by the sacraments of Confession and Eucharist. These sacraments work together to nourish the Life of God in Johnny’s soul and bring about holiness. Yet, the sacraments in and of themselves are not enough — Johnny needs deliberate spiritual and moral formation. He needs parents and teachers to call him to honesty, obedience, respect, and love of others. He needs parents and teachers to help him pray and learn to love God more each day. This formation starts before Johnny or Gracie are ready for the sacraments and it continues into adulthood.
“The home is well suited for education in the virtues…an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgement, and self-mastery — the preconditions of all true freedom” (CCC 2223). What must I do to educate MaryCatherine in the virtues? One of the most important factors that contribute to her growth in the virtues is my own understanding of the virtues.
Passions vs. Will
You see, as a catechist, I had been using those words to teach about grace, the Christian life, sin and many other things. I knew intellectually what happens in the Sacrament of Baptism, but for the first time, the practical reality of what it really meant was hitting me. Tears welled up in my eyes when I realized at that moment, a change had came over MaryCatherine that was so profound that nothing in our natural lives can compare to it.
One moment before, although created by God, MaryCatherine was not a real member of His Family — she did not have His “genes,” His very Life. Yet, as I looked at her after the words were spoken I knew that she had received the Life of God, which is called Sanctifying Grace, in order to enable her to act as a Child of God and gain salvation. The term Sanctifying Grace is especially appropriate because it indicates that the Life of God is a gift (grace), not earned or deserved in any way, given by God to make one holy (sanctified). Therefore the purpose of this Gift given at Baptism is the personal holiness of the individual.
I also knew that in Baptism, the stain of Original Sin is washed away. But something is left which needs to be acknowledged in order for me to help MaryCatherine to grow in holiness. It is a tendency to sin called “concupiscence”. This tendency is a result of Original Sin, not an essential part of human nature. When we say “to sin is only human” we ultimately misunderstand true humanity. God did not design human beings to sin.
In fact, when our first parents were created, they did not have the tendency to sin, although they had free will. However, since the first sin, everyone born in this world has concupiscence (except, of course, for the Blessed Mother and her Son.) This means that my daughter, like you and me, has a “sin problem”….she will struggle to keep from sinning.
Concupiscence is present in my infant daughter, though we do not call her actions “sin”. I can see in her the tendency to reach for what she desires — a bright object, food, the chance to get down and play on the floor. Often, what she desires is not what is in her best interests. For example, that bright object may be a piece of trash that is dirty or could choke her, that food may be something that would make her ill, or perhaps she wants to crawl in a dangerous place, such as the street.
At first it seems that MaryCatherine desires these things simply because she does not understand that the things are bad for her. However, when I look at myself, I see that I too choose things that I desire, but that I know are not good for me. Over-eating or eating junk food are the most obvious examples of this tendency. Often times it feels as if my will is over-taken by a desire for that chocolate chip cookie. This is in some way accurate. The result of Original Sin was that my will and my passions became disordered. The will was meant to order the passions — but now, due to Original Sin, our passions order our will. This does not mean that I am without fault — the will IS stronger. It can and should rule over our passions, ordering them to the good end. But this takes practice — a lifetime of fostering good habits or virtues.
Growth in virtue begins in early childhood. When a mother disciplines her toddler for sticking his finger in a light socket, she is showing him that what he desires may not be good for him. If she is consistent, he will begin to associate negative feelings with that particular desire and be less likely to stick his finger in the light socket again. In the early years, growth in virtue is much like conditioning. A parent consistently helps the child to associate negative feelings with bad or unhealthy behavior. The desired result is that the child will learn to hate evil and love good—this is sometimes called having “moral sense”.
Fulfillment of a Promise
When a parent can recognize an act as an example of a particular virtue (or it’s opposite, a vice), he can point it out to the child. When little Gracie gives a toy to a younger sibling, a parent can explain to her that she has just exercised the virtue of generosity. On the other hand, when Johnny eats the whole package of Oreo cookies, the parent can explain that his action was an example of gluttony, and had he stopped after an appropriate amount, he would have shown the virtue of temperance.
Educating children in the virtues also becomes a reminder that helps parents to grow in those same virtues. This is important because another crucial factor contributing to growth in virtue is good example. There is a common misconception that one educates more by who one is than by what one does. However, giving a good example involves the intrinsic relationship between being (who one is) and doing (what one does). In other words, it is not enough for me to be honest, some, or even most, of the time in order for MaryCatherine to learn true honesty. I must BE an honest person.
Yet, MaryCatherine does not need a “perfect” example, but one that is real. She needs to see the reality of the effort needed to grow in virtue and to understand that this is a life long process. One of the more influential memories of my childhood was a time in which my father had lost his temper over something (to this day I cannot remember what it was). I remember that I knew his anger was not justified. Later that evening, my father came in and sat on the edge of my bed. With tears in his eyes, he apologized for having lost his temper. He explained that he was tired and frustrated, but that he should not have yelled at me. That moment has come back to me many times growing up, as I struggle with the same fiery temper that my father did that day.
For a virtue (or habit) to be acquired a person must repeat an action again and again. This means that little Gracie will need to be required to perform certain actions (speak the truth, obey immediately, thank her Grandma, apologize to her brother, etc.) or be restricted from certain actions (throwing toys, talking back, lying, hitting, etc.).
One of the first virtues that a parent requires from a child is obedience. This is crucial for little Johnny’s future formation in the cardinal virtues (prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance), around which all other virtues are grouped (CCC 1805-09). Of the four cardinal virtues, prudence is considered the “charioteer” of the other virtues—it guides “by setting rule and measure” (CCC 1806). Acting prudently means putting right reason into action. Johnny does not have the life experience to do this well — he must rely upon the prudence of his parents. In other words Johnny must be obedient in order to exercise the virtue of prudence.
By teaching Gracie and Johnny first-time-obedience (responding to directions the first time), their parents are helping them to form the basis for all the Cardinal virtues. Obedience as a child then becomes the foundation for virtuous living.
As I watch MaryCatherine play on the floor next to me, I cannot see God’s Genes in her, but I know that she is a true Child of God. She is in fact the holiest person I know! Yet I also know the sin problem is there, so her father and I must prepare her, even now, to fight it. After all, at her baptism, we promised to train her in the ways of God’s Family so that she can spend eternity in His House.
(Carol Kennedy is a Catholic writer with an MA in Theology and Catechesis from Franciscan University of Steubenville. She is the former DRE for the Spiritus Sanctus Academies in Ann Arbor, MI. Carol writes from Northern California where she lives with her husband and daughter. You can read more of her writings at www.carolscomments.com)
