Shortly after he entered the country, he was arrested by the [KGB], interrogated for five years in Lubianka prison, and sentenced to 15 years of hard labor in a Soviet prison camp.
Fr. Ciszek came to see that “it was not the Church that was on trial at Lubianka. It was not the Soviet Government or the NKVD versus Walter Ciszek. It was God versus Walter Ciszek. God was testing me by this experience, like gold in the furnace, to see how much of self remained after all my prayers and professions of faith in his will.”
After a year of interrogations, which often lasted all night, Fr. Ciszek finally gave in to his communist persecutors and signed documents 'confessing' his role as a Vatican spy. To save his life, the priest had signed his name to a bunch of lies. What crushing shame he felt, returning to his cell after giving in to the communists.
At this crucial moment, he turned to prayer, and “Slowly, reluctantly, under the gentle proddings of grace, I faced the truth that was at the root of my problem and my shame. The answer was a single word: I. I was ashamed because I knew in my heart that I had tried to do too much on my own, and I had failed. I felt guilty because I realized, finally, that I had asked for God's help but had really believed in my own ability to avoid evil and to meet every challenge…. In short, I felt guilty and ashamed because in the last analysis I had relied almost completely on myself in this most critical test — and I had failed.”
It is an awful thing, this dross of self that spoils even the best things we do out of supposedly the highest motives. Somehow, by the trials and tribulations of this life, our souls must be purified of this dross of self if we are to become ultimately acceptable to God. And the stronger the ingredient of self develops in our lives, the more severe must our humiliations be in order to purify us.
Fr. Ciszek's life serves as a guidepost for us. He looked into the mirror of life and saw a big ego. He realized how much he really trusted in himself. In our own journey to love and serve God we too will face some kind of purification of the ego. Pray that when that day comes we may accept the special grace God will offer us to become truly holy.
Fr. Sullivan, M.J., is a priest with the Miles Jesu order. Miles Jesu is an Institute of Consecrated Life dedicated to promoting reverence to the Blessed Sacrament, devotion to Our Lady and faithfulness to the official teachings of the Church. For information on Miles Jesu and its Seminary Program, please call 1-800-654-7945 or visit their website at www.MilesJesu.com.
