The last Christmas Eve my father was alive, he spent the evening and late into the night chatting with the four of us kids. He expressed his pride in us and then told each of us individually what he saw in us — our strengths, personalities, and outstanding traits. One thing he said really struck me, and it's never left my mind or heart.
"Parents always want their children to do better than they did," he said reflectively. "And I know you're going to do much better than I did because you've all got the strength and guts to do it. Each one of you has what it takes to make it."
Dad died three weeks later. I don't know whether or not he sensed that he was near the end of his life on that Christmas Eve. But I do know that it was a tremendous gift for him to have had that opportunity to share his dreams and impressions with us. It was a tremendous gift for me, too. His words to us children have lingered with me all these 30 years. His term for my energetic determination, "moxie," has given me a turbo boost in arduous spots throughout my life. The memories of that wonderful Christmas Eve will continue to carry me.
I admire what my dad did for us kids. He wasn't perfect by any means, but he was humble enough to recognize and admit it. He knew we had our unique strengths and weaknesses, too. That's one of the qualities I love most about him — he never compared us nor did he ever lump us together. He treated each of us as separate persons and wanted us to excel in our own charisms and abilities. He didn't want us competing with one another; he wanted us pulling for and with one another. He wanted us to do better than he did, yet in our own way.
Of course, every natural family has its sibling rivalries and rebellions and so did ours. In general, sibling rivalries arise because brothers and sisters want recognition and approval. That's not a bad thing, but it can become ruinous when the drive to rule causes us to subdue, sabotage or negate the abilities and gifts of the others. When it becomes, "me and not you" rather than "me and you", the climate within the family changes considerably.
Wise parents learn to distinguish between siblings — to appreciate this quality in this child and that quality in that child. It's never either-or, but yes-and-also and each child is encouraged to develop his charisms and seek his personal mission according to God's plan for him. Dynamic parents help siblings to realize the value in what they do and in who they are as individuals. Then they help them to understand how they can work collaboratively and complimentarily for the benefit of the entire family.
Dad was good at this, but I know a father who was and is even better at showing his love and appreciation for His children in their uniqueness — our heavenly Father. Human fathers accept the children that are given to them and begin loving them once they are present. Our heavenly Father, on the other hand, has created each of His children Himself and loved them before they ever came into existence. In fact, He's known and loved us from all eternity.
It's impossible for us to "do better" than our heavenly Father because He is the Almighty. We could never come close to His perfection. However, the idea of "doing better" is exactly what He has in mind for us. He wants us to continually do better and better, excelling in holiness so that one day we can be with Him in eternity.
That's why His only begotten Son, Jesus, who is Perfection Incarnate, took on human form to guide and teach us. The Redeemer's presence among us is proof of the Father's love and appreciation for us. On Christmas Eve, Jesus will be born again in the manger of our hearts just as He was in the manger in Bethlehem. He'll come to each of us individually and all together because we're children of the same kind and loving Father. He knows that we can do better because through His grace, we've got the moxie it takes.
