There are three sounds that drive me nuts. If you guessed A) children B) television and C) video games, you’re right!
I love my kids, but sometimes it seems as if they conspire to drive me crazy and no matter what I do there’s no escape.
I was in my room the other day-Sunday-my day to take it a bit slower and sit down and read or write, when the voices of my ten-year-old daughters drifted in from their room across the hall from mine. “Bibble babble bobble boo” ad nauseum. I went to the living room. If it’s going to sound like cartoon chatter I may as well sit in front of the television.
But, no, there is my seven-year-old son who, upon seeing me sit down to write quietly, decides that I need a second-by-second description of his every action. I know I should be thankful because there will come a time when he won’t tell me anything about what is happening in his life. But do I need to know it in such excruciatingly painful detail?
“Mom, look. This piece of my transforming robot moves up like this. Mom, look. This piece of my transforming robot moves sideways like this. Mom, look. This piece of my transforming robot moves down like this. Mom, look-.”
“ALL RIGHT ALREADY!”
Everyone stops and looks at me. I’m moulting. I’ve got pinfeathers. My eyes are turning in slow multi-colored spirals. I’ve got this manic grin, a facial tic, and I swear I could lay an egg if just one more child pushes me over the edge.
“Mom, look. This piece of my transforming robot moves-.”
“AAAGGGHHH!!!”
“Bibble babble bobble boo!”
“AAAGGGHHH! AAAGGGHHH! AAAGGGHHH!”
“Hey, look, Mom just laid an egg! How did she do that? I didn’t know Momma could lay eggs? Did we eat your eggs this morning, Momma, or did they come from the store? Look, Mom, when I move your egg like this it-.”
Does anybody even notice that I can’t take any more of this? Does anybody care? Why is it that when a mom finally gets down to her last nerve, everyone has the nerve to look surprised? Haven’t they seen it coming?
“So, Mom, am I a chicken, too? Did I hatch from an egg? Did you lay me?”
If chickens could deliver deadpan looks, I would.
What is it with kids and their endless questions? Okay, at first it was cute. And then it was a sign of intelligence. Now I wish they’d all get a good case of laryngitis.
