Blue, one of the dozens of animated characters, introduces a puzzle to solve — “what do I want to eat?” for instance. Instead of coming right out with the answer, Blue slaps paw prints on items that are clues to the puzzle’s answer. After retrieving the clues with the help of animated household objects, Steve retires to his Thinking Chair and solves the puzzle. Doesn’t sound that fascinating but the show, which plays in 60 countries, has created a $1 billion merchandising business. Not bad for an ill-mannered dog.
But, there’s sad news on the Blues Clues set. Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper are in mourning. Shovel and Pail are distraught. Slippery Soap hasn’t come out of the bathroom in weeks. Steve Burns — the 27-year-old man who plays Steve — has left.
After filming his 100th Blues Clues, Burns decided to hang up his trademark green striped shirt. A new host will replace him after his final episode airs sometime in fall 2002. The new host will be named “Joe” and will play the role of Steve’s brother.
Kids around the world will be sad when they learn that Steve is gone, my kids included. But I can see the silver lining — or should I say green lining – with Steve’s departure. It’s increased merchandising!
Kids are a prime demographic market for advertisers. If Blue really had a clue she’d replace the other characters with those “As seen on TV” products sold in infomercials. It might look something like this.
Scene 1: Joe's Living Room
Joe: Good morning Blue! What do you want to do today?
Blue: Bow, wow, wow!
Joe: What’s that, Blue? Someone’s stuck in a well and we need to get help? Blue, you’ve been watching too many reruns of Timmy and Lassie.
Blue: Bow, bow, wow! (Translation: Joe, you’re not as skinny as Steve, my old master. Perhaps you could stand a bit more exercise. Let’s play Blue’s Clues to find out a great ways to lose weight and get in shape.)
Joe: Sounds like fun, Blue. Let’s start looking for clues in the kitchen.
Scene 2: Joe’s Kitchen is Sizzling
Joe: Hi, Mr. George Foreman Grill! How are you today?
Mr. Grill: Fantastic! And the kids at home will be, too, if they purchase me. Kids, no longer will you have to cook your meats in a pool of grease. My patented groves carry the run-off grease into a separate tray, leaving you with the best-tasting food ever. You'll have to try me to believe it! Cook a cheeseburger like the Champ — George Foreman — or grill vegetables alongside your shredded beef for tacos. The possibilities are endless!
Joe: Wow, Mr. Grill, you sure are special.
Mr. Grill: Wait there’s more! My unique heating mechanism cooks both sides of the meat at once and seals in the yummy juices. I cook an average-sized steak to medium-rare in about 5 minutes!
Joe: Mr. Grill, we’re looking for clues to find a great way to lose weight and get in shape. Have you seen any?
Mr. Grill: Well, there's a large blue paw print on the seat of your pants. Did I mention that I can be purchased for three easy payments of $19.95?
Joe: Our first clue is my bottom, kids. Hmmmm. We need to find more clues to solve this puzzle.
Mrs. Ginsu Knife: Joe, Joe, come over here, quickly!
Joe: Hi there, Mrs. Ginsu Knife. You sure are looking durable and long-lasting today!
Mrs. Ginsu Knife: Why, thank you for noticing, Joe. I do have a permanently bonded blade that never needs sharpening. I’m dishwasher-safe and include a manufacturer's lifetime guarantee, too! I was just cutting through some aluminum cans with the rest of my 22-piece family when I heard someone in the living room singing. You might want to investigate.
Joe: Thanks, Mrs. Ginsu! Say hi to your eight steak-knife children, two paring knives, utility knife, bread knife, chef's knife and bonus spiral-slicer food decorator for me.
Scene 3: If I Didn’t Know Better, I’d Think He was Alive!
Big Mouth Billy Bass: (singing) “Take me to the river, toss me in the water…” Hi, Joe! Did I surprise you? I'll surprise your friends with my realistically detailed shape that looks almost lifelike! I'm motion activated and come with a nameplate for custom engraving. Watch me flap my tail and sing!
Joe: Pipe down Billy or I'll remove your four “C” batteries, not included with purchase. We're looking for clues, have you seen any?
Big Mouth Billy Bass: Well, there's a blue paw print on your left thigh, if that's what you mean. I bet you could remove that paw print with some Restore 4. It breathes new life into fiberglass, porcelain, terrazzo, ceramic tile and grout, penetrating and dissolving hard water stains, rust, calcium buildup, limescale, soap film and dirt. Order today and receive the Restore 4 Wood Restorer, Grout Sealer and Restore 4+ for Formica at no extra charge. Now that's a bargain!
Joe: Thanks Billy. So now we have two clues: my thigh and my bottom. Hmmmm. One more clue and it will be time to head for our Thinking Chair. Or, should I say, the Lazyboy Thinking Recliner.
Blue: Bow, bow, wow! (Translation: Let's go see what's in the mail!)
Scene 4: You Could Already Be a Winner!
Joe: Hey Blue, it looks like you could be a winner in the Publishers Clearinghouse Giveaway! There's also a bill here for that quiet and efficient Ronco Food Dehydrator you ordered. You've probably saved the cost of the dehydrator by making great beef jerky, herbs, snacks and drying garden vegetables without preservatives. Too bad about that accident when those guys from the Veggie Tales TV program came to visit. Larry the Cucumber sure looks smaller when he's completely dried… Hey, here's a postcard with an 800 number on it.
Blue: Bow, bow, bow!
Joe: That's right blue, there's a paw print on the postcard. The 800 number must be our third clue. It's time to go to our thinking chair!
Scene 5: Operators are Standing By
Joe: Hmmmm. Our three clues are my bottom, my thighs and a toll-free telephone number. What could those clues have to do with a great way to lose weight and get in shape? … I know, it must be the Bun & Thigh Rocker we saw on TV!
Blue: Bow, wow, wow! (Translation: Correct-a-mundo, Joe!)
Joe: With the Bun & Thigh Rocker I can sit down, kick back and rock my way to lean, beautiful, sexy hips, thighs and buns — in just three minutes a day! Now I can quickly and easily trim and tone my hips and thighs while firming and tightening my ol' buttisimo. No more sweating my way through exercise after exercise to get the body I want! Maybe I'll even get a guest spot on Bay Watch!
Blue: Bow, bow, wow! (Translation: Kids, call before midnight, tonight!)
Joe: That's all the time we have for today. See you tomorrow when I'll introduce you to Mr. Magic Duster, who uses super-charged static electricity to instantly pull dust off almost any surface! After meeting Mr. Magic Duster, you'll forget your old fashioned feather dusters. See you then!
