“They all used to meet by common consent in the Portico of Solomon. No one dared to join them. But the people were loud in their praise and the numbers of men and women who came to believe in the Lord increased steadily. So many signs and wonders were worked among the people at the hands of the apostles that the sick were even taken out into the streets and laid on beds and sleeping mats in the hope that at least the shadow of Peter might fall across some of them as he went past” (Pt 5: 12-16).
In contrast, the doubting Thomas refused to believe unless he, himself, experienced the presence of the risen Christ. We recall Jesus’ statement: “Happy are those who have not seen and yet believe” (Jn 20:229).
Today, most of us have a bit of both Peter and Thomas in us. We are filled with faith … and with some doubt. So, given this, what can we do about it? Well, I think the main step we can take is to look at doubt as a natural part of the process of believing. In Thomas Merton’s words: “You can’t have faith without doubt. Give up the business of suppressing doubt.”
The poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and books that are written in a foreign language. Do not now seek the answers that cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
This is good advice. Doubting and questioning will always exist. Our choice is to look for God and ask for greater faith amid the doubt rather than to avoid doubt or ignore it in our lives. Prayer is a good place to begin. Prayer is where we, each in our unique way, search for God and scream out for greater faith, love and a deeper sense of courage. It is in and through prayer that we begin to commit our lives to living the Gospel at each moment of every day rather than thinking only about it and casting it aside several times a week.
Doubt also assures us that we are not in control. Its very presence calls us to be dependent upon God. In commenting on Matthew 14:22-32, William Hulme notes: “After a time the disciples believed they saw Jesus coming toward them walking on the water … Impulsive by nature, Peter tried to find out. ‘Lord, if it is you, bid me come to you on the water.’ Jesus told him to come. Peter got out of the boat to do so. Then the Gospel writer says, but when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink he cried out. ‘Lord, save me’ … (The implication is that had Peter kept his eyes on Jesus the story might have been different.) But Peter deserves credit not only for his courage in stepping out of the boat but also for knowing what to do when he was sinking — he cried out for help: ‘Lord save me.’ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him.”
Living faith and lively doubt go hand in hand. It is by embracing both that we can live, not with the false expectation that our doubts will totally disappear but with the real hope that doubts, when we face them with prayer instead of panic alone, will eventually lead to a more mature faith and a more creatively lived life.
(This article courtesy of the Arlington Catholic Herald.)
