Maybe it is because I teach languages, but I do think that many errors could be avoided simply by insisting on proper grammar. We think in words, so we must be careful about the way we say things because this ultimately determines the way we think about things.
There is, for example, the current phrase, “life-style.” Innocuous at first sounding, what exactly does it mean? It means, both in use and intent, that how one lives one’s life is simply a matter of style; it is not a question of right or wrong, but of in fashion or out of fashion.
We used to speak of a “way of life.” What is a way? It’s a path, a road, the route one takes from point “a” to point “b.” A way by definition gets a person from one place to another. One does not stay in one place when on the way. (If you just stand around on a road you’re liable to get run over.) There is a destination. There is also the definite possibility of getting lost.
What is a style? It’s a fashion, a trend; it’s what is currently accepted or approved by a certain group who usually measure their value by how fashionable they are. It’s a split-level house, a Nehru jacket, or a pierced bellybutton. You don’t go anywhere in a style; you can only be in style or out of style. If you want to know how ridiculous a style can be, just look at the frock coats or flappers of the past, and then remember that twenty or thirty years from now others will laugh at the backwards-baseball-caps and trousers-around-the knees of today.
So what about life? Is life about a way or a style? Is life about becoming one sort of person or about being accepted or approved? In our culture, morality — right and wrong — is now a matter of style. There is the “sexually active” life-style of teenagers as though choosing to have sex with someone is a matter of little more consequence than choosing whether to wear a Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt or an Old Navy sweatshirt. We hear talk of a “gay life-style” as though choosing to engage in homosexual acts is similar to choosing a bank. And there are those who speak of a “family life-style” as though a good family were the result of a wallpaper pattern.
One reason so many are lost is because they can’t come to grips with the fact that life is not about style. It is not about accepting or being accepted. It is about choices, choosing a way and being on the right way or being on the wrong way; arriving home or getting stranded. If someone is going the wrong way on a one-way street, it isn’t charity to “accept him where he is at.” The morality of that is as bad as the grammar. You honk, and maybe be a bit blunt and yell, “Not that way, you idiot, you’ll get killed.”
The Old Testament is filled with comings and goings, getting lost and getting home. The book of Exodus is literally the book of the “Road Out.” Psalm 25 pleads with God to make known His ways. And then comes the New Testament. Our Lord did not mince words about where we should be going or how we should get there. “The gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter it are many. The gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life and those who find it are few” (Mt 7:13-14). “I am the way…no one comes to the Father except through me” (Jn 14:6).
Can you imagine our Lord saying, “I am the life-style”?
Next time someone talks about a “sexually active life-style,” change the talk to the “sexually active way of life.” The tone changes immediately. Conceptually, it’s Russian roulette. When someone talks about a “gay life-style,” change it to a “homosexual way of life.” There will be silence. It’s a conceptual dead end.
The point is this: if life is about style, then morality is simply advertising. And advertising is about what sells. Next time someone starts talking about a life-style, show him a picture of your great-uncle Fred in his raccoon coat and skimmer hat, or your Aunt Carol in her polyester lime-green shirt with pink peace symbols and bell-bottomed frayed jeans. That’s style. If he wants to talk about a way of life, show him the crucifix.
© Copyright 2006 Catholic Exchange
Robert Greving is a husband and teacher from Germantown, Maryland.
