Occupy Movement Foiled By Rules!

Six months ago, the Occupy Movement was poised at the precipice of human achievement, according to their press releases and that Google Doc of their “organizational goals” that they forgot to password protect. They were taking the world by storm, bravely ignoring the rules of basic human hygiene, forgoing the oppressive constraints of the social contract, and showing the world that even Experimental Film and Gender Studies majors could actively contribute to society in a way other than being organ donors.

Or something.

The problem with a society that is wholly dependent on the democratic system, is that you have to participate in said democratic system. Therein, of course, lies the rub, because in order to “participate” one must ascribe to things like “rules” and “requirements,” obviously put into place by the corporate establishment in an effort to oppress the underclass, and create bars of entry to elected office that the public cannot surmount.* Like, say, getting a few thousand signatures. Which, obviously, the Occupy Movement was unable to do.

Because, like, it’s hard, man.

U.S. Congressional candidate Nathan I. Kleinman – called by the national media the “First Occupy Candidate” – made his outsider status official today when he withdrew his nomination petitions and declared his intention to run as a write-in candidate in the April 24th Democratic primary for the 13th Congressional District.

Kleinman’s opponent, Allyson Schwartz, challenged the 1500 signatures Kleinman acquired, presumably because the Democratic Party, which is privately embarrassed by the Occupy movement (although you’d never know it from their fundraising emails to the under 35 crowd) did not want to waste money on a primary challenge that would inevitably turn into a long, national nightmare featuring sit-ins, drum circles and open letters on countless LiveJournals. Unfortunately for Kleinman, she also turned out to be frugal, and requested that Kleinman pay her legal fees after she won, which, while a legal option, is kind of a downer to ask of a hippie unless you specify that it be paid to you in grilled cheese sandwiches.

Nathan is now pursuing a write-in candidacy, which he believes is “more Occupy, anyway,” meaning, of course, that its futile.

Emily Zanotti


Emily Zanotti is a writer, comedian and political communication/public affairs professional. She is a contributor to National Review and she currently blogs at Naked D.C.

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  • Kirbys

    What’s up with the profanity? Is this a Catholic site or what? Can the writer be a bit mopre creative? There are plenty of online thesaruses.
    I was enjoying the article until I hit the D word (isn’t it a female–can she be one anyway?!) and then the s word, and now I am GONE.

  • Editor

    The vulgarity you mention is not present in this article–unless by “D word” you mean “Democratic” and by “S word” you mean “sandwich,” in which case: yes, those words are present, and I apologize if they caused offense.

  • Laura M

    What on earth are you talking about?