How To Be A Hot Mom

“Just because you have a couple of kids in tow does not mean you should surrender yourself to mom jeans and mini-vans” And so began yet another How-To article by “experts”. This time, how to be a “Hot Mom”. I saw the title and thought and thought of those steamy yoga classes and hot flashes. While they did say exercise would make me a Hot Mom, they apparently weren’t interested in my body temperature.

Every hint/directive was followed by a photo exemplifying said directive. Problem is, every photo was of a celebrity. Where’s my picture? After all, I scored as a Hot Mom on the very first directive: The chic ponytail.

“Some mornings the last thing you want to do is your hair. The chic ponytail – pulled back and either worn high or low – will transform you from disheveled to pulled-together in a matter of minutes.” And here I thought I was just being lazy and over due for a haircut with my 7 day a week ponytail.  Turns out I’m not only chic, but Hot!

“The right pair of sunglasses can turn you from a soccer mom to a Hot Mom in a matter of seconds. Look for those that flatter your face shape and style. The oversized shades or aviator shades are two hip looks sure to transform you.” Oooh! I have oversized shades! Mostly because I don’t want my husband to see me rolling my eyes when he says something irritating. Like, “Do we really need an entire case of wine?”

“A push up or padded bra can help you fill out your clothes and give you (and your hubby) that extra spring in your step.” I don’t think it’s my feet that’ll be springing, but I’ll take some Hot credit for at least owning a push up.

“Hot moms know one key to looking good is knowing how to accessorize. For instance, adding a long, knotted scarf to a simple white tee can instantly make your outfit go from blah and boring to fun and fabulous.” Naturally the long-scarf- wearing-hot-mom-actress in the photo did not have her child with her. Otherwise we’d see the child tugging on and choking Hot Mom with said scarf.  Note Hot Mom and child were not shown at McDonalds where the scarf would dip into the ketchup and toilet.

“Adding a few rock star tees will instantly up your cool factor. They’re colorful and look great paired with your favorite jeans. A fringed purse adds to your rockin’ look.”  To which my teenage fashionista daughter would say, “Um…NO! And the ’70′s called; they want their purse back.”

“It’s amazing the difference undereye concealer, bronzer, mascara and lip gloss can make to a overworked mom’s appearance.”  Well, I own more makeup than I’ll ever use, but I can’t live a day without my concealer.

Is that Hot enough?

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