I’m the kind of person who needs the structure of schedules. Without them I tend to spend too much time on Facebook or going on impromptu hikes or adding things to my husband’s honeydo list. Posts here at Catholic Exchange are one of those things I like to keep on a schedule, lest I realize that it’s been two weeks and I haven’t posted anything at all.
Sundays are one of my “post, woman!’ days. So starting Saturday night, I begin the creative process.
Step One: realize it’s Saturday night. Freak out that it’s Saturday night, because that means tomorrow’s Sunday and there isn’t a single piece of sanctioned church clothing cleaned. Allow the freakout train to progress down the track to “Oh no! I need to post something at the Exchange tomorrow, too! Laundry and blog post!” Promptly collapse on the couch in a fit of panic. Turn on ghost hunter shows to get the creative juices flowing.
Step Two: Fall asleep on the couch 15 minutes later.
Step Three: Sporadically contemplate a new post during the day on Sunday. From time to time, turn to whichever family member is closest and ask them what topic should be covered. Shake head sadly at the suggestions, and wonder how such a creative genius wound up surrounded by people with so few ideas.
Step Four: Go to the Catholic Exchange website and see what’s been posted that day. See what articles are under “most read”. See what articles are under “most commented”. Remember that “most read” and “most commented” equal “most money earned” and try and figure out how to tap in to the cash cow.
Step Five: Notice that the most commented article is currently one about vaccines. Realize in a stroke of genius that the next article just needs to be about a hot button topic, and voila! the money will roll in.
Step Six: Brainstorm a list of possible controversial topics. Here’s mine:
- Why My Homeschooled Kids Are More Well Behaved Than Your Public School Kids
go outside to observe said “behaved” kids, who are playing in the backyard with the public school neighbors. Notice that the public school neighbors are taking turns playing on the zip line, remember to put toys back before taking out new ones, and are able to work through disputes without screaming like banshees. Notice that your homeschooled kids are whacking each other with nerf bats, are trying to make an 11 foot bow with which to shoot gigantic arrows at cars, and are in various states of undress. Immediately scrap topic.
- Why the SSPX Will Harm/Benefit the Church When/If It’s Brought Back Into the Fold
realize that in order to generate maximum comments on an article of this sort, one needs to be educated enough on the subject of SSPX to actually form an opinion. Sadly admit that this would require more research and thought than you’re willing to put into a post and would probably result in attention from the sort of scary comboxers that you generally try to avoid.
- Something about NFP. Doesn’t Matter What. Just Use the Phrase, “NFP”
- Anything At All As Long As the Word “Mantilla” Appeared In the Title
I would totally do this one. But I’m not going to, because I’m afraid the resulting combox bomb would crash the whole website, and Josh, my favorite I.T. guy in the whole world, would have to spend even more of his time fixing a mess that I created. Josh, if you’re reading this, you’re welcome.
Step Seven: Realize that you can take the extra super lazy way out, simply write about the creative brainstorming process, and never have to actually, you know, write something. Just come up with a provocative post title. Congratulate yourself on being extra crafty, write the post, order pizza for the night, and spend the extra time you earned watching ghost hunter shows on the TV.
Fall asleep by 9:00. Repeat next Saturday.