A DIY Retreat

Once a year, for the last five years, I have been fortunate to be able to go on retreat with the local secular Carmelite community. Every October, we drive a couple of hours north of San Diego to El Carmelo in Redlands, California, a retreat house run by the Discalced Carmelite Friars of the California–Arizona Province. The retreat runs from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon, with conferences, Mass, spiritual devotions, and time for personal rest and reflection.

The first year I went on this retreat, I told my spiritual director, who was at the time one of the friars on staff at the retreat house, that I wanted to pitch a tent on the property (cf. Matt. 17:1–4). He wisely kicked me back down the mountain at the end of the retreat, but ever since then I have had sympathy for St. Peter’s desire to remain on the Mount of Transfiguration. Of course, not every retreat I have been on since has been that spiritually uplifting. Sometimes retreats are journeys through the desert rather than hikes up the mountain. But they can always be an opportunity to take some time away from everyday life and “rest a while” with the Lord (cf. Mark 6:30–31).

For many people though, retreats can be expensive in time and money. Those with families can have a difficult time getting away for a weekend, and formal retreats offered by apostolates and religious communities can be cost-prohibitive. The no-frills weekend retreats I have made at El Carmelo cost a couple hundred dollars; when pricing other weekend retreats, I gulped to see costs of around several hundred dollars. Costs like this often make retreats seem to be a frivolous luxury rather than a spiritual necessity.

There are ways to bring down the costs of retreats; there are ways to maximize the experience when you are able to gather together the pennies for a retreat. You can also create your own retreat—the do-it-yourself retreat—either together with a small group of friends, or by yourself. Let’s look at the possibilities.

The formal retreat

Formal retreats vary in quality, just like anything else. If you are going to plunk down hundreds of dollars for several days at a remote venue, it will pay to think through what you want out of the experience and then to find a retreat that suits you.

In my case, the retreats I have made have been with my secular Carmelite community. The place and the speakers were already chosen by the community, and the purpose of the retreat was to go on retreat as a community. That reduced my need to do independent research. In your case, you may be making your retreat more or less “on your own,” perhaps with others at the retreat, but not necessarily as part of a community. Here are some things to consider when looking for retreats:

• Do you want to share a room? Sharing a room with another person on the retreat usually will save money. It will also mean that you must cooperate with the other person in sharing a bathroom and agreeing to a time for “lights out.” If the retreat is a silent retreat, it will also be harder to maintain silence. For me, the extra cost for a single-occupant room is well worth it. Your mileage may vary.
• Are you willing to accept inconveniences? Some people prefer a spa-like experience, in which all of their needs during their retreat are met with quiet efficiency by the staff. Being able to eat what they like and not being expected to do light housekeeping is worth the extra cost for them. But if you are looking to bring down costs, then you might look for a retreat house where you eat what is provided without complaint and are responsible for making up and stripping your own bed.
• How scheduled do you want your retreat to be? Some retreats can be quite regimented, with retreatants expected to fully participate in all scheduled conferences, devotions, liturgies, and miscellaneous planned activities. If you have never been on a formal retreat before, this might be just the kind of discipline you need. For others, including me, the option to duck out of some of the planned activities for personal “alone time” is a necessity. When I am at El Carmelo, I go to the conferences, Masses, and communal meals, but I will usually spend a good chunk of my time wandering the grounds or resting in my room.

The informal group retreat

While researching this blog post, I did some Googling for “do-it-yourself retreats.” I was surprised to find that the most helpful ideas for creating your own group retreat came from a writer who was arranging a writing retreat with fellow writers. Here are some ideas for a retreat that this writer’s group came up with:

[We] had the following criteria:

• We wanted a long weekend away instead of week-long retreat.
• The location had to be affordable.
• We wanted a place within an hour or two of [their hometown], so we wouldn’t spend too much of our precious time driving there and back.
• Each of us wanted her own room, and ideally, the place would have a kitchen and some communal areas. Staying in your room all day and all night could get claustrophobic. Having a place to walk would also be good.

After doing some Internet research, we found that retreat centers would be better than motels or condos, because they are more peaceful, less expensive, and often have kitchens.

These ideas could easily be adapted to a spiritual retreat for a moms’ group, brother Knights of Columbus, or a Small Christian Community that meets once a month in members’ homes. Here’s one possible adaptation of the DIY writer’s retreat into a spiritual group retreat:

• Determine how long the retreat should be based on the retreatants’ needs and schedules.
• Find an affordable venue, located in your region but remote enough to allow retreatants to “get away.” Your diocese should be able to provide you with a list of possible diocesan-approved retreat centers in your area, but an appropriate secular venue might be less expensive and more readily available.
• Make certain your chosen venue has necessary amenities. If you are planning a spiritual retreat, you will want a place that not only allows for both privacy and communal gathering but is also not too far from a church so you can go to Mass (and confession, if possible).

The key here will be that retreatants likely will be responsible for much of their own spiritual nourishment. A Bring Your Own Book party, so to speak. The group may gather for the rosary, morning or evening prayer, or the Stations of the Cross (at a nearby church), but unless you hire a priest or lay Catholic speaker to give conferences, you will probably have to take responsibility for your own spiritual reading and journaling.

Spiritual material for a group retreat

If you are going on retreat with others, you might decide that you would like to read a book together as a group, which would allow the retreatants to discuss their reading either during communal meals or after communal prayer. Here are some suggestions for spiritual reading that could be used in group discussions:

• Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr. Michael E. Gaitley, M.I.C.: This book is billed as “A Do-It-Yourself Retreat” and is specifically written for laypeople who are seeking to create their own weekend retreat.
• Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis De Sales: St. Francis was a renowned spiritual director, and this book mainly is a compilation of letters he wrote to his cousin, a married laywoman. St. Francis was one of the pioneers in recognizing and fostering the universal call to holiness of all Christians, no matter their state in life.
• The Practice of the Presence of God by Br. Lawrence of the Resurrection: Br. Lawrence was a lay brother who lived in a Carmelite monastery in 17th-century France. The book is a compilation of his conversations, letters, and spiritual maxims. It would be especially suitable for a retreat because the book is short and even comes in pocket-sized editions.

If you have access to a television and DVD player at your retreat venue, you could also watch a movie together in the evening. Possible choices include Of Gods and Men, Les Miserables, and A Man for All Seasons. Catholic film critic, Steven D. Greydanus, who created and maintains Decent Films, has some suggestions for Lenten movie viewing that might also be appropriate for a spiritual retreat.

An at-home retreat

You may be grumbling right about now. “Michelle just doesn’t understand,” you might be murmuring. “I have a job, spouse, children, and bills. I don’t have the money or the time for a formal retreat, or even for an informal, shoestring-budget retreat. Someday, maybe, but not now.”

Do not despair. You don’t have to go off somewhere to go on retreat. You don’t have to pay a dime, or take time away from your daily responsibilities. Heading off to a remote location for a few days may make going on retreat easier, but the lack of resources to do so does not make going on retreat impossible. You can go on retreat at home, whenever you wish. It requires nothing more than a concerted effort to lift up your heart and mind to God while going about your ordinary life.

Br. Lawrence of the Resurrection, mentioned above, sketched out his thoughts on how to place yourself in the presence of God, no matter what is going on around you:

We search for stated ways and methods of learning how to love God, and to come at that love we disquiet our minds by I know not how many devices; we give ourselves a world of trouble and pursue a multitude of practices to attain a sense of the presence of God. And yet it is so simple.

How very much shorter it is and easier to do our common business purely for the love of God, to set his consecrating mark on all we lay hands to, and thereby to foster the sense of his abiding presence by communion of our heart with his! There is no need either of art or science; just as we are, we can go to him, simply and with single heart (The Practice of the Presence of God).

This coming Holy Week might be a good time to begin. Here are a few suggestions for retreating awhile with God, even while “in the noise and clatter of [the] kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things,” as did Br. Lawrence.

Practice silence. Maybe complete silence is impossible, because you have to tend to family and job responsibilities, but surely there are ways to introduce silence into your life, even if only by responding in silence when possible and filtering out distractions.

Rise early, or retire late. Depending on whether you function better in the morning or night, set aside some time at the beginning or end of your day for spiritual reading. If you have time for nothing else, you could read and reflect for a few minutes on the Gospel reading for the Mass each day, available either in devotionals like Magnificat or on the U.S. Catholic Bishops’ web site.

Create a home altar. If you have the space and resources, my colleague Peggy Frye has suggestions for creating devotional space in your home. But you could also clear a nightstand or dresser in your bedroom and arrange a few devotional items where you can be reminded every morning and evening to begin and end your day with prayer.

Spend quiet time in church. You may not be able to go for an overnight retreat, but can you spend an hour or two in your parish church, especially during Holy Week? If your parish has adoration, you could drop in to visit Jesus. You could pray the Stations of the Cross, either with others or on your own. You could just sit for awhile in silence, gazing at Christ on the cross.

On the final night of his earthly ministry before his passion and death, Jesus chose to go to a garden and pray. He asked his friends to join him, and all he desired of them was that they stay nearby and keep watch with him for an hour (cf. Matt. 26:36–41). This Holy Week, could you not watch with him for one hour?