Dear Mom,
I know you mean well, but I respectfully disagree with your choice in clothing.
I really don't want to wear anything but my Nemo the Fish sandals. All right, your suggestion that I wear a diaper turned out to be a good one, but really. Don't I just look stylish as I am? I mean, look at the Crayola marker tattoos. Do I really have to wash them off or cover them up with unnecessary clothes like a shirt and a pair of pants?
I'm telling you, Mom, it's not really that cold this winter. But don't worry. I promise to this summer and you'll never be able to peel it off me no matter how hot it gets.
Another thing, Mom. If you really want me to put my shoes on the right feet, why don't you buy right shoes that curve left and left shoes that curve right?
How do you expect me to pick out a matching outfit if you're the one that buys every color of the rainbow — which I like, mind you. I just don't see why you don't like me wearing all my clothes at once when I finally do want to put clothes on.
And I thought the outfit I picked out for my first day of pre-school was excellent. What's wrong with swim trunks, Ugg boots and a fancy pink hat? I want to wear pink. My older sisters wear boy colors and that hasn't prevented them from being girls. Don't worry, Mom. I'm still all boy.
In fact, I dress just like my eight-year-old brother. Like him I turn my dirty shirt around and wear it backward so it looks clean. Great idea, right, Mom?
And why can't you buy twenty-three Spiderman shirts? You know that's the only shirt I really want to wear anyway. I'll never tell that I have an endless supply. Just think of all the hissy fits you'll have me avoid!
Trust me, Mom. Swimsuits can be worn while taking a bath and rain boots are okay to wear in the swimming pool. They keep my feet dry, after all.
I also think my Halloween costume was just fine to wear to Church last Christmas. I don't see what the big deal was. Pajamas can be worn anywhere at anytime and I thought they looked great for our family photo.
I know you just want what's best for me, but you need to lighten up, Mom. I'm going to dress like this until I'm five and then I'll conform to your standards. I promise!
That is, until I'm a teenager.
Love always,
Your Toddler
(Jelly Mom is written by Lisa Barker, author of Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane…Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent! and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit www.jellymom.com.)
