By Rev. Mark H. Creech
You may have seen that wonderful movie Father of the Bride. It’s a funny, yet touching tribute to a father’s love for his daughter. When the Dad, George, learns his daughter is engaged, he takes the news hard. He can’t believe his baby girl who was once an energetic tomboy has now become a beautiful young woman. Her growing up happened so fast. She’s leaving home and he can’t deal with it.
I once laughed at the situation portrayed in that movie, but I’m not laughing anymore. Both my children are adults and have recently left home. I miss them terribly. In fact, I’ve been somewhat embarrassed at my grief until I learned fathers usually take it a lot harder than mothers.
Helen M. DeVries, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois, says it’s fathers and not mothers who are more likely to have a hard time when their children leave home. In a study of 147 mothers and 114 fathers, she says men are less prepared for the emotional component of the transition.
Even the renowned family psychologist Dr. James Dobson admits to his struggle with this matter. “I will admit my own difficulties in this area,” he writes. “I understood the importance of turning loose before our kids were born. I wrote extensively on the subject when they were still young. I prepared a film series in which all the right principles were expressed. But when it came time to open my hand and let the birds fly, I struggled mightily! I loved the experience of fatherhood, and I was not ready to give it up.”
Just a few weeks ago, I stood outside the sanctuary of small rural church where I had just finished preaching. I was talking with a fellow-father and learned that his son, like my own, was in the military. We talked about how we hardly get to see our boys anymore. But what really surprised me about our conversation was the way the tears unexpectedly wet our faces as we talked.
Parents love their children. And we’re reluctant to turn loose of them when it’s their time to go. We fear they aren’t ready to stand on their own two feet. We worry about what will happen to them. Nevertheless, leaving home is a critical time for our children, and the way Dad responds can make a tremendous difference.
I’ll never forget the way my Dad responded. When it came time for me to leave home, I remember telling both my parents about my plans to marry. Although I know she meant well, Mom was upset and tried to discourage me. But it was Dad who tenderly said: “Son, go ahead and do what you believe is right. I’ll take care of your mother.” He knew it was time to let go. And to this day, I’m not sure he understands how much that meant to me. It meant he believed in me. He affirmed my adulthood. Because he responded in the right way in that crucial moment, I was able to move into my future with a lot of confidence. Furthermore, he did take care of Mom by helping her see it was time to release me.
Humorist Erma Bombeck once described the task of raising kids like trying to fly a kite. You run as fast as you can pulling this cute little device at the end of a string. It springs upward a bit, but it doesn’t seem like it will ever take flight. Then suddenly, you manage to get it into the air and danger looms as it dives toward electrical lines and twirls near trees. Then another gust of wind catches it, and it sails up, up, and up. So you frantically feed out the line as quickly as possible.
The kite is now pulling the string, making it difficult to hold on. Inevitably, you reach the end of the line. “What now?” you think. The kite wants more freedom. It wants to go higher and higher. And so you’re standing on your tiptoes and stretching out your hand as far as you can to accommodate the line. The string is on the end of your fingers and you can hardly hold it anymore — and then the moment of release comes. The string slips through your fingers, and the kite soars majestically into God’s marvelous sky.
There you stand gazing at your precious child, who is now gleaming in the sun, a mere pinpoint of color on the horizon. You are proud of your son or daughter — but sad that your job is done. “Where,” you ask, “did the years go?”
That’s where I am today. And to all my fellow-fathers who find themselves in the same position, let me say the kite is going to break free one way or the other. It’s best you release it in the right way and at the right time. Don’t fret. God’s “faithfulness is unto all generations.” (Ps. 119:90)
(Rev. Mark H. Creech is the executive director of the Christian Action League of North Carolina, Inc. This article courtesy of Agape Press).
