The toddlers were watching too much television so I limited their viewing to just a few shows each morning.
The two-year-old hopped up and down. “Down, down, down!” he cried. Down with this idea, Mom!
The three-year-old, a self-styled technician, kept turning the television on and off, but all she could get was the music station I had it tuned to.
Worse, they knew we have the SpongeBob movie and that's all they chanted: “SpongeBob oovie, SpongeBob oovie!”
“No more SpongeBob movie. You've seen it five times this week and it's only Tuesday.”
You know your toddlers have spent too much time with the third parent when the majority of their vocabulary has to do with a group of cartoon characters that live in a pineapple under the sea. We're sitting at the table eating lunch and my son looks at the empty chair beside him and starts talking to…no one!
“Hi, Bubble Buddy! Hi, SpongeBob!”
“Aiden, eat your sandwich.”
“SpongeBob wants a cookie.”
“SpongeBob needs to eat his sandwich first.” Now I'm talking to imaginary characters….
Like that's a first.
Maybe my son will end up like me — a writer. I hear that repetition is a good thing for toddlers. It helps improve their language. Way back when I was a child we memorized nursery rhymes. Today's kids memorize television shows. But that can work to your advantage as a parent.
Got a cranky toddler in the checkout line? Start singing one of those tunes from Blue's Clues or Dora the Explorer. Toddlers grin like crazy — “Do that again, Momma!”
So you go to the dry cleaners, the post office, and the bank singing most of the programming for Nickelodeon and the Public Broadcasting System. Before you know it, you have seven more kids toddling along and more moms are encouraging their little ones to join you — like you're the in-house nanny.
“How much do you charge?” a mom asks you.
“Oh, I'm not —”
“She's free! It's a free service!” Before you know it, they've roped off that section of the bank, moved in a playhouse, a coloring table, and some pop-up books. There just aren't enough graham crackers in your purse to go around.
Somebody tugs on your pant leg. “Hey, Missus, where are the rest of the toys?”
“I wanna color!” “I want a snack!” “I have to go potty!”
Isn't this about the time you wake up in a cold sweat and thank God it was just a dream? Or was it?
From the living room you hear the theme song to your toddler's favorite television show… they’re already up and getting their TV fix and you have to drag yourself out of bed and deny them access. So they go ballistic and you start singing the theme song to their favorite show. Then the doorbell rings.
“Is this Mommy’s Little Helper Daycare?”
[Close up on mother’s face — total shock.]
[Play theme song from The Twilight Zone.]
[Fade to black.]
(Jelly Mom is written by Lisa Barker, a busy mom of five, and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent to Parent. To read more, visit www.JellyMom.com.)
