Hello, my name is Chandra and I’m a workaholic.
“Hi Chandra.”
It is because I’m a workaholic – who spends too much time on the computer – that I went searching for wrist supports the other day on the Internet. I used the term “support” in the search and discovered that there are no less than 3,475,821 support groups out there. And that was just in Lower Slovenia.
There was, for example, a breastfeeding support group. Now I’m no expert, but I always thought that breastfeeding kids was a pretty self-explanatory concept — and that the only support you needed could be found in the underwire bra. However, since there were several links on this site to breast implant pages, perhaps there are a few other, er, accessories I don’t know about.
Another group which I personally found more interesting was the Repetitive Strain Injury Support Organization. Unfortunately, in order to join the group, you need to type the answers to a seven page member survey and input a 58 digit password. I gave it a miss.
Meetings of the California Transgendered/Transvestite Support Group must be excruciatingly difficult for its executive committee. The Secretary for example, would have a very hard time taking minutes (“He said/she said that the motion to file…”). The Membership chairman too would go batty trying to send out renewal notices (“Dear Miss?Mr?Ms? Kravachuk, we regret to inform you…”)
Meanwhile, there is also a group for something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, with the unfortunate acronym of ODD. (Really!) This disorder (once known to psychologists by the term Misbehaving Children Who Just Need a Really Good Swat in the Behind Syndrome), is apparently characterized by “aggressiveness, and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others.” Word has it that the ODD group has recently welcomed the entire International Telemarketers Association, as well as the New York Cab Drivers’ Union into the fold.
The sheer variety and specificity (say that word out loud, I dare you) of these support groups was astounding. There is the Black Lesbian Computer Technicians Network, the Restless Leg Syndrome Sufferers of California and the Japanese-Speaking United Support Team of the South organization. I’m still not sure what that last group was supporting, but they sounded earnest enough. There wasn’t a group for Jewish Vegetarian Dyslexic Insomniacs that I could see, but there should be — those poor devils are compelled to stay awake all night debating the Kosher properties of nroc and saep.
Indeed, there are quite a few afflictions that I can think of that need support groups. For instance, how about a Victims of Computer Tech Support group? This would be for all those people who spend an average of 2.8 hours on hold waiting for someone to tell them why their make-or-break-it presentation won’t print — only to be told “Sorry, can’t help you. Talk to the manufacturer.”
Or maybe something like Voice Mail Sufferers Anonymous, a meeting of which would go something like this:
BOB: Hi, my name is Bob.
GROUP: Hi Bob.
BOB: All I want to do is talk to a real, live, human being at the other end of the phone.
GROUP: Press one for sympathetic noises, press two for treatment options, press 3 for…
BOB: ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
I’m not sure why we’re drowning in support groups. I suppose people feel the need to reach out to others who will truly understand their experience when friends and family can’t. Consider that Restless Leg Syndrome for starters, where sufferers experience “small leg twitches or large kicks that can propel a spouse out of bed.” It might be difficult to get sympathy from someone you just booted out from underneath the bedclothes.
On the other hand, I can’t help thinking that we have all these things because our society structures have temporarily failed us. We move all over the place these days, making it difficult to put down roots and keep in touch with relatives and friends. We hole up in cities, making a point of not knowing our neighbours in case they turn out to be The Axe Murderer That Seemed Like Such a Nice, Quiet Guy. Institutions that are supposed to protecting us – the church, the justice system, the medical system – are either indifferent to our woes, or actively adding to them. And we all know what our various Presidents and Prime Ministers are up to.
Perhaps what we need is a giant support group for each nation — some sort of 12 step recovery program for society, instead of just fumbling along like we usually do. Something organized and hopeful…
Nah.
With our luck, the head office for such a group would be staffed by New York cabbies. You’d call up and get the following message: “Yo, dis is Tony. Press one to go disconnect yerself. Press two to whine about yer last fare. Press three…”
To read more of Chandra's work, visit www.ChandraKClarke.com.
