At the same time, despite my nightly wakefulness, I witnessed that my prayers started to go beyond my own needs. I started to feel comfortable praying for others. It seemed okay for a while to lay my needs at His feet and continue on, interceding for the many needs of others in my life. And such needs! They seemed to come out of the woodwork! A baby was in the hospital; a Daddy had a heart attack. Someone got Lung Cancer. Someone else was in financial need. A brother needed emotional support. A church acquaintance was going in for cataract surgery. A woman needed guidance in making choices for Life.
Was this just a bad run of luck for my circle of friends? No, I suspect it was rather the falling of scales from my own eyes, leading me to look with compassion beyond my own little world, my own family. A certain selfishness was being peeled away from me as I witnessed the many great acts of kindness offered so generously by people around us. I can actually change the shape of the world by praying fervently for those needs I see around me! God can redeem my own time and energy when I willingly offer it up in service to others!
One morning after Mass, Father Garcia approached me about the possibility of having a healing Mass at our home the following evening. This was very exciting, and the children and I spent the day preparing the house. We moved furniture, cleaned the floors, sprinked the house with Holy Water… Forty people showed up at my house that night to celebrate Mass and Life and Healing. I received the Anointing again, under the Witness of all these dear people who have loved us so much. A joy seized me that night and simply refused to let go. We sang Psalm 91 as the Responsorial Psalm — I was surprised I didn't break down. When the Spirit has one in His grip, one simply surrenders to his strength and enjoys the moment. I almost regretted being so happy. It didn't seem right to be smiling and buoyant when everyone had arrived with such concern. I feared they might think this was not so big a deal. But they didn't. We all simply enjoyed the communion of the saints among us.
Well, Monday morning dawned and we are off to Florida South armed with biopsy, CAT-scan and x-ray. I was nervous to the point of feeling sick to my stomach. The doctor immediately put us at ease, saying the tests indicated the infection had not spread. He scheduled me for a hysterectomy at the end of the month.
Next came the Walking on Water part…
I had the surgery, and it turned out that the cancer had spread microscopically to a few of the lymph nodes that were removed. My doctor then scheduled me for eight weeks of daily radiation and weekly chemotherapy to make sure we'd gotten it all. I must admit to you — despite the prayer, despite the faith, I was falling apart all over again. Every image you see when you hear the words chemo/radiation — those images just haunted me. I was so scared. Well, after a lot of intense prayer, we took hold of the ropes and prepared to weather the storm.
Then, in the midst of all this, a wonderful job offer fell into my husband’s lap.
Through our prayers, Our Lord was directing us to go ahead and accept this new opportunity. At first, we both thought it was crazy — how could we possibly plan a move 1,100 miles away, far from everything we know; all the while, going through recovery from a hysterectomy followed by chemotherapy and radiation treatments? The timing seemed ridiculous.
We continued to pray, seeking God's Will for our family. Feeling a total lack of wisdom in our circumstances, we prayed a prayer that has always borne fruit in our married life: “Lord, we seek only Your Will for our family. We lack wisdom, Lord. Please close any door that is not within your Will for us. Open only that one which you would have us pass through. We wish only to please you.”
My husband went on the interview, and it was a success. They offered him the job. The Lord was calling us out of the boat. But for us to accept the offer, the entire package had to be right for our family.
He continued to beckon.
We stepped out of the boat and flew up to look for a house. Those who love us best thought we'd totally lost it. They reasoned with us, tried to cajole us. At many points we felt they were right. And yet, the Lord kept drawing us toward this unlikely future. My husband and I, of course, were the only ones who heard Him calling us across, who saw His hand outstretched to us. So we began walking on water.
Packing, radiation, chemo… An extended absence as my husband begins the job…
As soon as I begin to seriously consider the facts brought forth by my friends, I begin sinking slightly. I feel I must pray and listen to God with ever greater commitment, and shoulder the cross of this moment.
Having walked on water, one comes out with a bold faith — almost a holy recklessness. But before that can happen, one must learn to focus so intensely on God's Will for us that the realities of this world fade into the background. The Lord looks less and less like some misty spirit as we draw nearer to His outstretched hand. He is the safety net. The boat we leave behind offers safety too, but one foregoes the exhilaration of true victory if one does not strive for that precious moment in which our hand touches His.
God has a plan for my family. He cares about every little detail of our lives. Apparently, His plan for me included chemo, radiation, and a move. At every turn, the details fell into place like pieces of some beautiful puzzle.
At the beginning of last Summer, I prayed and prayed for a miracle. I know that God could have healed the cancer. But, for whatever reason, He decided to give me this cross. Looking back upon that time, I now see that the miracle is what we experienced rather than what we avoided.
