There's no doubt about it: family members live in “close range” of one another. When they fire, they are almost sure to hit the mark. We see each others' faults, quirks and weaknesses close-up. This reality only underscores the difficulty and high standard of obeying the fourth commandment, “Honor thy father and mother.”
Throughout these weeks of Advent, I am encouraging our family of faith to consider how forgiveness might be an integral part of our preparation for Christ's coming. Will Christ find us plodding thoughtlessly through “another” Advent, lost in the consumerism and busyness, or beginning this new liturgical year with resolve to answer anew His invitation to forgiveness, healing and new life?
Forgiveness starts in the family. Forgiveness in our parish begins in the home. Forgiveness in the universal Church begins in the “domestic Churches” of our homes. We have all heard that “a family that prays together stays together.” We might add: “a family that forgives stays together.”
How might a family practice this forgiveness in concrete ways?
From my childhood and from countless conversations with the parents in our diocesan family of faith, I know that in families, we let the “sun go down on our anger” only at great peril. In my own upbringing, I recall my Italian American parents — an ethnic group known for their tempers as well as their gusto for life — resolving their occasional arguments as quickly as they began. The alternative to such forgiveness is getting even, the turning of the home into a battlefield. One concrete way we can make forgiveness a reality? Forgive quickly, as soon as possible after the moment of harm is done.
Another excellent way of making forgiveness a routine reality in family life is the daily examination of conscience, carried out during the family's evening prayer. At this time of the day, spouses can lead their children and each other to a continuing renewal of family life. If our domestic churches are to take their titles seriously, then we need forgiveness practiced on a daily basis.
A third way of making forgiveness the very marrow of family life is to let bygones be bygones. How tragic it is when we say we forgive one another, yet revisit, down the road, the old hurtful words, actions or attitudes! Such rehashing of yesterday's wounds satisfies our pride momentarily, only to reveal a more serious wound. The healing work of forgiveness in the family can stay intact only if family members resolve to forgive and move on. Period.
Finally, families can make forgiveness part of the rhythm of their family life by going to confession together. In the Sacrament of Penance, we meet Christ, who is made visible by the priest. The priest is a two-fold sign: (1) of Christ — with whom our relationship is either severed or weakened because of our sins, and (2) of the Church — with which our relationship (with her members, the Body of Christ) is affected by our sins. In the celebration of the sacrament, we are forgiven and reconciled to both Christ and to His Church.
How encouraging it is for families to be forgiven and reconciled in this very visible way as together they seek forgiveness and together receive it, thereby strengthened to live with each other with the spirit of forgiveness. I would recommend this concrete form of togetherness to all the families of our faith-filled diocese, urging them to celebrate the Sacrament of Penance — the Sacrament of Forgiveness — in this way, during Advent and throughout the year.
To be a family is to be forgiving, and how grateful as Christian families we can and should be for the divine forgiveness which is ours if only we seek it. As that beautiful example of the Christian life, Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta, said, “If we admit that we are sinners and we need forgiveness, then it will be very easy for us to forgive others. But if I don't admit this, it will be very hard for me to say, 'I forgive you' no matter who comes to me.”
As we journey toward Christmas, I pray that the families of our diocese might be a leaven in our midst. By extending and receiving forgiveness, our families will experience a renewal which will spill over into the life of our parishes, extended families, neighborhoods and places of work. Come, Lord Jesus! Come!
