I consider myself an older and wiser parent because I am no longer a newbie-mom still getting sucked in by marketing that claims I need a Diaper Genie and a butt-wipe warmer to be a good mommy.
Therefore, I feel qualified to look back on those early days of parenting and draw up a checklist of things they didn’t tell me when I signed up for the Mom Corps.
12. No one ever told me that I’d learn to dive like an Olympic distance swimmer every time my little ones reached for an electrical outlet.
11. No one ever told me that I’d lie and tell my kids it isn’t pepper, it’s a secret ingredient that LOOKS like pepper, but isn’t, and that it tastes really good.
10. No one told me it would take just one week to potty train my twins and eight YEARS to get my boy to stop wetting the bed.
9. No one told me that for every child I’d had, I’d adopt at least two more from the neighborhood. Where do these kids keep coming from — they can’t all be mine!
8. No one ever told me that popsicles and cookies were kid magnets and that every time I’d open my front door to treat my kiddos there would be a line forming that went around the block.
7. No one ever told me that it would cost ten dollars an hour for somebody to watch the kids so I could park my car three streets over and enjoy a bit of peace.
6. No one ever told me that the mother who restricted sodas, candy, and sugar cereal when I was growing up would buy these very same things in jumbo quantities for her grandchildren.
5. No one ever told me that the silence I prayed for would be the very thing to keep me up all night nursing a sick kiddo back to health, just to hear the noise again.
4. No one ever told me that I’d turn into a miser, hiding secret stashes of chocolate and treats around the house so there would be something left for me after the kids went through the cupboards.
3. No one ever told me how much fun it would be to disagree with the teacher or principal simply because I can.
2. No one ever told me that the kids would one day outgrow Halloween, but I wouldn’t.
1. No one ever told me that motherhood would be the toughest job I’d ever love.
[Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, a busy mom of five, and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent to Parent. To read more, visit www.JellyMom.com.]
