The Womanly Art of Raising Daughters


(Mrs. Heinser writes from Massachussetts. This article was originally published in Canticle, the Voice of Today's Catholic Woman.)


…to be “Mary-like” mothers themselves and to have the courage to joyfully embrace this awesome challenge in today’s world.

We must begin by being good examples ourselves in the practice and love of the Faith and devotion to family. Naturally, we want to encourage our daughters to use their gifts of intelligence and abilities to the fullest, but there is so much more to joyful womanhood that many, many young women are missing. My own experience has brought me to a very basic method of communicating the heart and art of Christian womanhood. One often hears the old adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. It is my contention that one way to bring a daughter to the fullness of womanhood is through her senses.

God, as Creator, has placed within us the capacity to receive and give love through our senses. It makes perfect “sense” for mothers to use those senses to impart to their daughters all that God calls them to. A son momentarily appreciates the softness of a rose petal or a baby’s bottom, but a daughter is permanently and positively sensitized to the preciousness of life.

Consistently exposing daughters, for example, to the feel of dough, the smell of yeast, and to the glorious aroma of freshly baked bread (even from a bread machine) sets in their minds and hearts what it is that truly satisfies.

With or without green thumbs, mothers can share the feel of warm earth, the smoothness of a seed, a fragile new leaf, and the scents of perennials such as lilies of the valley and roses — the “Mary” flowers.

Harvest time gives mothers the opportunity to turn God’s abundance of tomatoes and other fruits into sauces and preserves with her daughters’ help and appreciation for the satisfying outcome of doing it “ourselves” for others. Herbs offer another “scentsation” for our daughters to experience regularly. Even without the time, space, or patience to nurture an herb garden, one can grow lavender by the door and some delicious smelling cooking herbs in window sill pots.

Babies offer an ideal opportunity to give daughters the heartwarming sense of the joy of motherhood. The smells of a freshly washed baby, the “down” on a baby’s head, and the softness of a baby’s skin are unforgettable shared experiences. The intricate workings of the body, from life-giving nourishment to the baby’s ability to know his own mother by her scent can be communicated to daughters with very few words. One simply needs to appreciate the preciousness of life and share these simple sense experiences to offer daughters life-giving memories.

The warmth of flannel sheets, the delicate purity of a wedding or christening dress, and excursions through fabric stores to touch all manner of woven goods give tactile memories of comfort, creativity, caring, and beauty.

I have learned from my daughter-in-law that mothers can unobtrusively set the tone of the home by introducing soothing music, such as classical or Gregorian chant. The reasons for this can be shared with a daughter, at the right time, so that she can learn to set the tone of her own home amidst the cacophony of the world.



The satisfying lift of a pot of tea shared with a daughter over something freshly baked can ease the sadness of a loss or failure and offer an opportunity for quiet reflection … together. Encouraging a lingering soak in a quiet bath affords a tranquil time-out for our young women and will no doubt be repeated as many times with warm remembrances of a mother’s wisdom.

The quiet source of strength of a well-worn favorite novena prayer and the blessings imparted to family and friends from a holy water font by the front door are time-honored ways of receiving help from God and sharing His blessings with others. Our simple methods of coping with the difficulties, frustrations, and challenges of daily life make cherished gifts to our daughters.

Our Judeo-Christian heritage is filled with traditions which nourish the foundations of family life. These traditions, passed from mothers to daughters and from generation to generation, are the threads that weave families — and societies — together. The ability to create the invisible scents of her family’s favorite foods from pasta to pirogies, stews, special casseroles, and desserts are among the greatest gifts a mother can bestow on a daughter.

God has given us the Bread of Life, the Cup of Salvation, the incense of prayer, the waters of Baptism, and the oils of Anointing to bring us to life in Him. Let us follow His lead and use the gift of our senses to give our daughters the joys of being His as they grow into mature women of faith, courage, and wisdom. They will always remember these motherly lessons of womanly care from the heart.

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