Not since Bill Clinton blew his sax for Arsenio Hall have candidates so debased themselves and their message to curry favor with the populace.
For all their vaunted talk of “staying on the issues” and addressing “what really matters to Americans,” the last few weeks have produced some of the most embarrassing, trivial American politics in memory. Only Bill Clinton admitting his preference for briefs over boxers on MTV could top it (and that little Monica thing}.
Nowhere are the education plans compared, or the candidates’ positions on stem cell research discussed; there is almost no talk about social security and still less about our military commitments abroad. Like a group of drunken debutantes, we only care about kissing and other meaningless mush.
The Queen of Talk is happy to oblige. Oprah Winfrey sat down with the Vice President for an entire hour a few weeks ago, and the heart of her interview, the burning question she simply had to ask was: what was going through Gore’s mind as he French kissed his wife at the Democratic Convention? Whaaat? Who cares?! I’d much rather know what was going through his mind when he visited that Buddhist Temple in California; or what he thought when he found out the President lied to him about the Lewinsky affair; or what was going through his mind when he heard that our missile defense secrets were in the hands of the Chinese Communists. Pillow talk is not the stuff of presidential politics, or at least it shouldn’t be.
Now pundits will tell you women want to hear about kissing and such, but I don’t buy it. I think this is what the Democratic National Committee (who knows its candidate is about as warm as Lake Michigan in January) wants women to hear. To assume that female interest in this election is restricted to the romantic and that women are incapable of evaluating these men based on their record and positions is an insult, at least to the women I know. For Ms. Winfrey and her ilk to emotionally manipulate and demean women voters in such a way is a scandal of mammoth proportions — but a scandal that her viewers are, apparently, not disturbed by.
Oprah’s big follow up later in the show: “What is your favorite thing to sleep in?”
Gore: “A bed.”
George W. received much the same treatment, even if the treatment was a bit less friendly. “Tell me a time when you most needed forgiveness?” Oprah asked.
“Right now”, Bush said.
“I’m looking for specifics”, the suddenly tough Oprah said.
“I’m running for president!” Bush guffawed.
And he got away with that answer.
Integrity, judgement, character, strength — all qualities once necessary to obtain the presidency — have now been replaced by: cuteness, warmth, the ability to tell a joke, sex appeal, and an overall willingness to entertain. In the post-Clinton landscape, nothing short of an Entertainer-in-Chief will do, no matter how low he must stoop to prove his competency.
Attempting to meet the low bar, that great “man of God,” Joe Lieberman, went on Conan O’Brien’s show last week. After straining for laughs by throwing out faux slogans like “a motzahball in every pot,” he had the gall to sing “My Way.” I have heard people on death’s door clear their throats with a prettier tone. The singing was awful, but effective. The song provided just enough distraction to allow Lieberman to leave the show without being asked about the real news of last week: his announcement that he was no longer an “Orthodox Jew,” but merely an “observant Jew”. So much for religious commitment. As for Conan, a host can’t be expected to come up with serious questions when he's laughing so hard at his guest.
George Bush pulled his own bait-and-switch routine last Thursday when he bounded onto Regis Live sporting a monochromatic shirt and tie (unfortunately neither matched the ashen suit he had on). Philbin quipped, “you didn’t kiss me, but you did wear my shirt and tie” (Philbin now has his own clothing line). For the next 12 minutes Bush was interviewed by Regis and a truck driver named Susan from the Survivor series. You can imagine the depth of this interview. Tim Russert’s grinding teeth could be heard for miles around Washington.
In the final analysis, it might be refreshing to see our candidates occasionally drop by a talk show to lighten up the campaign. Hey, I’m all for levity. The problem this season is: levity is all there is. The talk show circuit has become the entire campaign.
Entertainment aside, many Americans fail to realize that these appearances allow the candidates to dodge the hard questions. Lolling around in talk show silliness allows them to float by on charm, spending precious time chatting about their kids, their love for their wives, and smooches — but nothing that even remotely touches on their insights and ability to govern. By filling the schedule with these fluff appearances, both candidates avoid the tough questions of Meet the Press, Face the Nation, and This Week, while reaching just as wide an audience. While we're all laughing at their antics, the candidates are having the last laugh. One will become President of the United States based entirely on his ability to be liked.
In a scant few weeks Americans will elect a new leader of the free world. His decisions will affect our children, our economy, our very lives — indeed, the worth of human life itself. Thus far all most Americans know about these men is that one wears Regis’ ties and the other sleeps in a bed. At this rate why not write in Regis Philbin? He seems to meet all the necessary presidential criteria, and his suits match his ties.
