My husband says I have been falling behind in my work.
In wife-speak, “falling behind” means
• vacuuming — not done
• dusting — not done
• fingerprints on television, walls and windows — still there
• piles of this and that on the kitchen counter — heaping
• laundry — unfolded
• bathrooms — What's that growing in the toilet?
Immediately I think, “I'm a BAAAAAAAAD wife and mommy!”
But this time, instead of heading for the chocolate, I asked my husband what he meant when he said I was falling behind. You want to know what he said? Two words: “Laundry. Dinner.”
That's right. As long as my husband has clean underwear and a full tummy, he's a happy camper.
So why do we women put ourselves through the emotional wringer when it comes to the upkeep of our homes? Because we saw our mothers do it and they saw their mothers do it, who saw their mothers do it — it's a woman thing!
Okay, we accept that we “nest” when we’re pregnant, but what's up with fall and spring cleaning? Why do we clean things that nobody ever looks at or under or through for that matter? Because our mothers did it!
Why do we have to scour the house before company comes over? Because our mothers did it! So what if our guests don't look in that closet? It had still better be cleaned and organized! Every fiber in the carpet had better be groomed. Why? Because our mothers did it!
So I have been secretly learning how to let my chores slide while not having my husband think I am falling behind. This means that I haven't spring or fall cleaned the house in, like, six years. I have enough dust bunnies under the sofas and beds to knit a king-sized afghan and I got to thinking — how cruel is it to wash the windows just so poor innocent birds can kill themselves on impact?
These things never get done — and, as a friend of mine said recently, “I have an iron!?”
So what do we women do all day if we aren't in the housekeeping frenzy of our predecessors? We meet on the Internet and discuss housekeeping and organization and how to get a handle on it. Oh, I'm fond of the conversation, too. I'll do anything to put off doing the real thing!
And that for me is the women's movement in a nutshell. The women before me have paved the way for my household procrastination! That's what I do all day — I look busy so I have an excuse for getting nothing done. For whom? My husband? No, for my Mom! Or my girlfriends. Or the moms I chat with online as we develop our fall-back stories.
In fact, the reason I write this column is so I can justify the time I spend on the computer. Give it up!?!? Give up my access to all the moms in the world? No way! Just as long as my husband has clean underwear and a full tummy.
(Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, a busy mom of five, and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent to Parent. To read more, visit www.JellyMom.com)
