Nearly sixteen hundred years after Augustine's meditation on his struggle for sexual purity and chastity, and in our similarly lust-saturated society where the spirit of feminism has duped women into imitating the worst of men's behaviors, it seems fitting that a woman should follow in Augustine's footsteps. In The Thrill of the Chaste, New York writer and editor Dawn Eden has written an account of her post-conversion struggle for purity and the benefits of chastity after having been thoroughly disillusioned with the "sex-in-the-city" lifestyle.
After years of playing the New York dating game — a game which follows what Eden calls the Cosmo rule: sex must drive the relationship — she decided to begin an experiment with chastity. The Thrill of the Chaste documents what she has learned from that ongoing adventure. What exactly is the thrill of the chaste? For Eden it is a life that is more real, vibrant, intense and meaningful than anything the life of casual indulgence has to offer.
Eden exposes the vicious cycle of the sex-driven dating scene, that endlessly recurring circle of loneliness — quick fix — aftermath — loneliness. Eden explains how she came to realize that she would never find the love and marriage that she was looking for without heading in a new direction. The lack of vision of the dating game becomes apparent when some of Eden's acquaintances sincerely wonder how she could meet a prospective husband outside of this scene, as if there were no other kinds of men to be found in the world except those found in singles' bars. The general effect of much of the book is the unveiling of the profound differences that exist between the life of chastity and that of indulgence. The goal might be the same, but the means employed reveal two completely antithetical visions of human love and happiness.
Eden's perspective presupposes that most woman are out for something more than just meaningless flings, that they are expecting someday to win a husband from playing this game. Eden's story is intent on demonstrating why the odds are against it. In fact, in a passage reminiscent of "Pascal's Wager," Eden explains that both the experience of pre-marital sex and the experience of chastity are centered on a kind of faith. "One of them," Eden explains, "relies on faith that a man who has not shown faith in you…will come around through the persuasive force of your physical affection." "The other experience," she says "relies on faith that God, as you pursue a closer walk with Him, will lead you to a loving husband. Chastity opens up your world, enabling you to achieve your creative and spiritual potential without the pressure of having to play the dating game." Eden concludes that "when faced with a choice between two attitudes — both of which require looking beyond present reality — I choose the one that has a solid foundation."
This is another Augustinian parallel because Eden declines to separate chastity from grace. She doesn't try to create a sort of secular version of chastity that could be presented in complete independence from faith. She isn't afraid to communicate her discovery that not only is chastity a solid foundation, but it is a foundation that rests on God.
Eden's observations about her experience of both pre-marital sex and chastity are very astute and insightful. And like Augustine before her, her self-reflection is unflinching (even merciless) and penetrating. She doesn't shy away from revealing her mistakes and weaknesses — in fact some readers may find her confessions uncomfortably thorough. But she does a great job of analyzing those experiences. One of the great insights is Eden's realization of the role her parents' divorce had on her behavior. She connects the dots between her promiscuity, the fear of rejection, and her shattered security which was the fruit of her father moving away and seeing her mother playing the dating game. It's a sad and tragic story, but one that effectively demonstrates the harm caused by divorce.
Another gem is where she recounts how she slowly eroded her purity so that by the time she lost her virginity physically, she had in fact already lost it morally and spiritually long before. She observes how, in apparently harmless activities like kissing, she was already learning to separate herself emotionally and spiritually from the physical aspect. One could say she was learning a contraceptive mentality long before she lost her virginity.
This book is not for the squeamish, but it is a welcome counter-attack on the absurd sexual philosophy taught by our culture. Eden calls the bluff on the sexual revolution's promise of fulfillment, and proposes a more authentic revolution. For those still stuck in the dating game, but unhappy, The Thrill of the Chaste will be a great help. And for those of us already committed to chastity, she offers insights that are still fresh and original, confirming that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more: Oh, happy fault!
