[Editor's Note: This article is the second in a five-part series on the theme “Being a Man of Forgiveness.” Click here to read the first article]
We all know how hard it is to forgive, especially when we believe we have been seriously wronged by another person. We also know that Jesus commanded us to forgive with some of the most difficult words in Scripture: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15). Below are some testimonies demonstrating the many graces and fruits we can receive as we experience more deeply God’s forgiveness, and as we extend forgiveness to others
Receiving Forgiveness
Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” (Luke 7:48)Can God really forgive me? This question is asked more frequently than one might expect. Perhaps it is because of a lack of understanding of God’s love or because we think our sins are so horrible that we cannot imagine being forgiven. I was eight years old when I first learned about forgiveness.
My “granny” had a pet pigeon that roosted in one of her cedar trees every day until she called it down to eat from her hand. I had been given a BB gun for Christmas, as had four of my friends. A few days after Christmas, tiring of shooting bottles, pecans, and insects, we decided to go on safari. Granny’s pigeon, being tame, was “fair game” for the great hunters.
We aimed our guns and fired together. The moment the bird hit the ground, I felt a pain like none I had ever felt before. Yes, the pain came from realizing that I had killed a living creature but even more from realizing how hurt my granny would be. I dropped my gun and ran to find her. She was sitting on her front porch swing eating a candy bar. I cried and begged for forgiveness as I told her what we had done.
Granny obviously was hurt and in no uncertain terms told me I had done wrong. Then she put me on her lap, hugged me, and offered me a piece of her candy. There was no doubt that I had been forgiven. If I ever have any doubts about God forgiving me, all I have to do is remember Granny and her candy bar.
For Reflection/Discussion:
Do you as a man struggle with the concept of God’s forgiveness? Share a time when someone forgave you from the heart. Remember that God’s mercy and love are so much greater than our sins.
The False Accusation
Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Romans 12:1)Several months ago, I was falsely accused of a minor offense. I was totally innocent. Being blamed made me very defensive. I experienced very strong feelings of resentment and anger. How was I to respond? Surely I would have been justified in defending my name, clearing up the misunderstanding, and restoring my reputation. However, something within me desired to just let it go.
Out of love for Christ, I decided to offer up this slander as a prayer. I attached this small emotional suffering to the cross of Christ, allowing it to become a holy and pleasing sacrifice to the Father.
Now that I look back on that ordeal, I am glad that I made this choice. I have to admit that to this day, months after the incident, I still have moments when I desire to clear my name. However, when I gaze upon the cross, I remember that Jesus was crucified based on a false charge. He was scourged for no reason at all. He died to make restitution for a debt he didn’t owe. Out of love for him, I will try to “die” to myself a little more each day.
For Reflection/Discussion:
Were you ever falsely accused of something? Share with the men in your group how you handled it. Do you still have some lingering anger and resentment? Have you forgiven the person who accused you? If not, why not pray with your brothers in Christ for the grace to forgive that person.
The Decision to Forgive
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12)Forgiveness is one of the easiest concepts to grasp but one of the most difficult to live out. I learned this several years ago when someone I loved dearly hurt me. It hastaken me several years to overcome the feelings of betrayal, isolation, and sorrow this person caused.
I would say to myself, “I know I need to forgive this person because God commands it,” but inside the anger would start to surface all over again. Then I would repeat the cycle of thinking that God would judge me harshly for not really forgiving from the heart.
It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t overcome the hurt. I became more and more confused. Finally, I asked a priest to help me. He explained that I was confusing my feelings with my decision to forgive. For example, even though I don’t always feel loving toward my wife, I still always love her. Similarly, he said, forgiveness is a decision first, one which we are called to make over and over again.
The priest posed this question to me: Was I letting the hurt control me, or was I letting my decision to forgive control me? I realized that I had to let the Lord heal the pain. At the same time, I had to make a commitment to love this individual despite my feelings. It is not an easy task, but understanding this principle has been very helpful.
For Reflection/Discussion:
Take a few moments to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you any other person whom you have not fully forgiven. Make a decision to forgive and then ask the Holy Spirit to heal the pain associated with that person. Ask the men in your group to pray for you for the wisdom and courage to take the steps required for reconciliation with that person.
The Grace to Forgive
For with the Lord there is steadfast love. (Psalm 130:7)Have you ever failed in your attempt to forgive someone? Several years have passed since the breakdown of my relationship with my older sister, and I continue to struggle with unforgiveness.
Since childhood, my sister and I had been very close friends. We routinely shared our faith, hopes, and struggles. Seven years ago, she began to withdraw from me. I was very hurt and confused, so I spoke to her about the situation. She told me that she no longer needed to spend time with me because she was no longer dependent upon my companionship.
Unfortunately, at that time I was suffering through the most difficult period of my life. I needed her support then more than ever. She was aware of my problems, yet she chose to turn away. Needless to say, I was devastated! Overwhelmed by the pain of rejection, I soon found myself filled with resentment and anger.
I knew that I needed to forgive my sister, but never have I experienced such a powerful force within me resisting it! As I struggled, I came to realize that as long as I continued to depend on my own strength, forgiveness would be impossible. I cried out to the Lord, begging for healing and release.
In his tender compassion, Jesus has answered my prayers. As I sought his grace and surrendered in obedience, he has been releasing me from my anger and pain. Today there still remains a small residue of resentment, but I know that it is only a matter of time before God’s grace heals me completely.
For Reflection/Discussion:
Is there someone in your life who rubs you the wrong way and you have a hard time loving or forgiving? Pray with the men in your group that the Lord would bless that person, and ask for the grace to see that person as a child of God whom Jesus deeply loves. Today and every day, ask the Lord to set you free from any unforgiveness, anger, or resentment.
(This article by Maurice Blumberg was part of the Catholic Men’s E-zine, Being a Man of Forgiveness, September-October 2002 issue, which is available on the NFCM website. You may e-mail them at info@nfcmusa.org. The testimonies used in this article come from the Together in Christ Magazine, The Word Among Us, February-March 2002 Issue. Used with Permission. Many thanks to the The Word Among Us for allowing us to this material.)
