Heart racing, vision blurred, sweating profusely, breathing deeply yet feeling winded. The desire to flee overwhelms any sense urging you to assess your situation and to calm down. Standing, walking, pacing, near tears, your bones feel like they are itching from the inside, and you cannot see the end of this spiral.
Hope fades, and despair appears.
Eventually, after what seems like hours, your system begins to wind down, and your breathing comes back to normal. Your heart rate slows, the dizziness fades, and you are left near exhaustion.
In fact, you are exhausted, and the only emotion you can muster is the utter terror of this happening again. You prayed during your panic attack. You begged Our Lord, His Mother, the saints you turn to regularly, even the souls of loved ones, to deliver you from that awful moment.
So, where were they?
Anyone who has experienced a panic attack will tell you that they wouldnโt wish it on their worst enemy. Anxiety oftentimes leads to depression. Our spiritual lives can become more fragile and one-sided. We constantly beseech God to come to our aid. We become self-obsessed in prayer, and instead of placing our trust solely in the Lord, we come to believe that our prayers for deliverance from panic are not being answered because we are not holy enough for God to listen. Prayer becomes incantation, devotion becomes superstition, sacramentals become talismans, and the Eucharist becomes a magic cure-all.
While there are plenty of perfectly reasonable explanations for modern people to experience panic, Catholics cannot, and should not, discount the hand of the evil one at work in their unrest. For the faithful, turning to prayer in a more profound and meaningful way is a welcome by-product of anxiety.
If it werenโt for our fight-or-flight response, our ancestors would have been lunch for something stronger, faster, and more powerful than us. Anxiety sufferers need to understand that their panic is not a product of their broken or damaged existences. It is a mechanism ingrained in their very being, essential for their safety.
There are many scientifically sound explanations for anxiety, and a clinical diagnosis should always be sought if someone finds themselves falling into a pattern of panic attacks. Therapy and medications are beneficial for many people, and there are plenty of wonderful, virtuous clinicians and therapists in the world who want to help. Ascertaining the root causes of anxiety disorders is very important in designing programs to treat them.
However, spiritual warfare shouldnโt be overlooked, especially by faithful Catholics. While the fight between good and evil should not be discounted, it also should not be the first reason explored. Careful, prayerful, spiritual discernment should take place right alongside medical intervention.
If, after prayerful introspection, we have determined that there is a level of darkness in our anxiety, then we can begin to seek the answer to the most important question: What is God trying to teach me or lead me to through this affliction of anxiety?
It might seem cruel to think that God is allowing us to be afflicted. Why would He do this to me?
The truth of the matter is that God calls us through every moment, incident, and aspect of our lives. If we are going to offer Him thanksgiving and praise when things are going well in our lives, then we must try to do the same when things are falling short. If God is permitting darkness to attack us through anxiety, it is not to torture or harm us; it is an invitation for us to cling to Him in a more transformative way. And when that relationship is cultivated, the light that radiates from it forces demons and the devil himself to flee in terror.
When we see our faith beginning to falter due to what we perceive as an ambivalence by God towards our sufferings, our trust is harmed. And not just the trust we have in Our Lord. Trust in others in our interpersonal relationships is affected as well. If the One we were supposed to have the utmost trust in has turned His back on us, then what is the point of trust in the first place?
The evil one does not care who or what we place our trust in, just as long as it is not Christ, His Church, or anyone who proclaims the gospel as beautiful and true. Anxiety eats away at trust the same way termites destroy a foundation. All it takes is a first nibble, and in time, a whole structure can come crashing down.
Humans want everything to happen instantaneously. The nature of the modern West dictates that we should not be made to wait any longer than a few seconds for results. The evil one knows this and so has adopted the long game as his own. We want answers immediately, and when we donโt get them from one source, we turn to another.
Have hope!
If the evil one hates trust, he hates hope even more. The hope of the Cross ransomed us from death. The hope of the Resurrection fuels us to move forward even when the weight of our own burdens seems too heavy. When we face our own panic with Christ on our side, we are firmly declaring that we belong to Him and not to our own anxieties. You and I are called to an eternity with God in perfect peace. Anxiety and panic offer a stark contrast to that truth. If we have no idea what suffering truly is, how will we ever be able to recognize true peace?
You are not expected to fight this enemy all by yourself. On either side of you and behind you stand the saints, the angels, and the Mother of God herself. In front of you, facing the enemy, is her glorious Son, and He will never, ever back down. He has already won, and His opponent is aware of that. On top of this insurmountable, indefatigable army of light all around you, led by God the Son Himself, you also have the prayers of fellow Catholics to pour grace into you and strengthen you. You are a formidable force, whether you know it or not.
The very fact that anxiety seeks to separate you from God is evidence that your relationship with Him matters. Your faith, your soul, your love of the Lord, and your unwavering trust in Him who gives you hope are terrifying to the darkness. The light you carry with you blinds evil and leads your path even when you are enduring the unpleasant realities of anxiety. In fact, your unfailing faith and trust in Christ in your moments of panic and doubt only help your light burn brighter and more intensely.
Remember the words of St. Francis de Sales: “Be at peace. Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life; rather look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things.”
You belong to Christ, and His love is fully yours. Youโve got this.
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash
