Who would have thought that a seemingly innocuous fundraising letter from the National Organization for Women (NOW) would lead a staunch feminist to put together a book on women's abortion stories?
In the 70's, I was a dedicated and committed militant feminist who strongly believed in a woman's right to abortion. I even experienced two abortions myself and didn't see anything wrong with that. After all, it was my body and I could do what I wanted with it. I vociferously voiced this opinion any chance that I got. I would often be involved in marches, debates, and protests championing abortion rights.
After getting married, though, and giving birth to three children, something within me began to change. It was most noticeably during the first Gulf War, when George Bush Sr. was president. Feminists demanded that women be allowed in the military and to be able to fight alongside men. "We are equal with men in all ways," the feminists cried, "so why shouldn't women be allowed to fight just like men?"
Soon afterwards, televisions around the country showed women going off to war. News programs showed countless women leaving their husbands and children to go fight alongside the men half a world away. It was heart wrenching for me to watch. Yet, I thought if that's what they want to do, then they should be allowed to do it.
Then the letter came. It voiced the hierarchy of NOW saying, "We do not support this war." I was shocked. Thoughts raced through my head. It didn't make sense. "You're telling women that they are just as good as men and can fight alongside them in any war, but when they listen to you and do exactly that, you say 'We don't support you'?"
I felt the beginning tentacles of doubt spreading through my body. It seemed to me that NOW's position was not a concern with women's rights and what was best for women, but their position was to protect their political power. Hypocritical was a word that came to mind.
I began to investigate more thoroughly the positions and ideas of the feminist belief system that I had bought into. I began to read books, listen to radio programs and even go to church — the Catholic Church of all places. The radical feminists took a dim view of Christianity, especially the Catholic Church because of its staunch pro-life position.
During my investigation, I began to see the conservative position with new eyes. They weren't monsters or medieval dictators trying to control and oppress women as I was led to believe. They were simply revealing a positive spin on life.
Personally helpful to me was a book by Christina Hoff Somers called Who Stole Feminism? In this book, Somers talks about how a certain group of women have betrayed society's women by pitting them against men and are promoting a dangerous agenda. The author talked about extremists positions held by certain feminists which didn't resonate with the average American woman. This is exactly what I had been feeling but couldn't find the right words to express myself.
Another eye-opener for me was Rush Limbaugh's first book The Way Things Ought to Be. Reading this book was a huge step for me because, at the time, Rush Limbaugh was the devil incarnate to groups like NOW. After reading it, though, I thought, "This guy isn't so bad. He actually makes sense on all the issues of the day, especially abortion and the unborn child's right to live", whcih was a position I hadn't previously considered.
I had much to think about. Slowly I began to pay attention to what the Catholic Church was saying. I saw Pope John Paul II in the news and elsewhere. Listening to him talk and reading some of his works smashed another misconception of mine. This man was not a misogynistic, evil, oppressive tyrant who knew nothing about women. He was a humble, loving, gentle servant of God who loved, respected and revered women and cared very deeply about their place in the world. I was flabbergasted by my own revelation, and my heart began to change.
Where was I to go from here? Armed with this new awareness, I felt compelled to share my story with others. I joined pro-life groups, read more, listened more and prayed. I began to write and speak to others on the topic of abortion.
As hard as it was, I knew I needed to write my own story. What I was afraid of was revealing my sinful, shameful past to the world. I had bought into the feminist lies that casual sex, contraception, and abortion were my rights and I practiced those rights with zeal and abandon. I also bought into the whole party atmosphere of the time; drinking, drug use and wild behavior was the norm for me. Although I repented of my sins and asked and received forgiveness through the sacrament of Reconciliation, I still felt deep shame and guilt over my past. This wasn't something I wanted the world to know about me. Yet, God was telling me that revealing my past could be used to help others. I had to listen.
Once my story was written, I felt relief and an amazing sense of freedom. I knew that other women needed to know this same freedom, so I began to speak and listen to other post-abortive women. I attended several healing ministries for post-abortive women, all of which I found very helpful and liberating. "The world needs to know about this," I heard myself saying.
I began to formulate a plan. I wanted to help women heal from this trauma so that they too would have the courage to speak out. So I went back to school and got a master's degree in counseling. I now have a dedicated private practice specifically to help facilitate healing post-abortive women.
I remembered the freedom and release I had in writing my story. I realized that a book compiling women's abortion stories would reveal the pain and suffering that women have gone through because of their "choice."
As I started to gather women's stories, I noticed several similarities in these heart-wrenching tales. One was a strong sense of shame over the abortion and a ferocious battle to forgive oneself as Shannon shares from her story:
Before Rachel's Vineyard, I had never shared my abortion story with anyone. It was an extremely difficult thing to do, but I knew that this retreat offered me a safe opportunity to find what I was seeking — forgiveness. Not only was I looking for God's forgiveness, but I also needed to forgive myself. I had been self-destructing for too long without caring, and I knew this was my time to change.
These were the same feelings I experienced. Listening to these women and reading what they wrote brought me a deep appreciation for everything they went through. Many stories brought me to tears. The sorrow, pain, agony and guilt jumped off the pages and grabbed me as revealed by Laura's story:
One Friday night when my friend was out of town, I spent the few dollars I had left on a bottle of wine. I sat down and wrote a letter to my friends and family. After that, I took 32 sleeping pills and washed them down with a 1.5 liter of Merlot. Nothing more to live for, I laid on the floor, praying to a picture of The Blessed Virgin Mary, crying for forgiveness and waiting to die.
Yet, the healing that took place in these women's lives was nothing short of miraculous as Joyce testifies:
I am only free because He set me free. His grace and tenderness have removed all my band aids and I am living beyond my past. Nothing can change my past. The abuse, the promiscuity, the lies and the abortions, they are real. However, my worth and forgiveness, my joy and peace are all found in my everlasting relationship with Abba Father. I am forgiven, loved and set free!
I have an enormous amount of respect for the women whose stories are in my book. The immense courage and strength it takes to bare one's soul to the world in the hopes of possibly changing even one mind is awe inspiring. I am honored to know these brave women. The amount of suffering they have endured is amazing and yet they are willing to share it with the world.
Today's world is all about comfort, it's "all about me". Our society has convinced us of the "inconveniences" of life and that we need not endure them. Yet, what I have learned is that suffering and inconvenience builds character and makes us stronger. These women pay tribute to that.
And I know they are not the only ones who need healing. Many other women out there continue to struggle with past abortions, struggling internally without help and healing. My hope is that this book, Motherhood Interrupted, will help that. We all know someone who's been traumatized by abortion. Give them the most precious gift one can give another, give them love and help them heal.
