There’s something intriguing about a company that manufactures and promotes dishwashing detergent and mustard, alongside a bladeless leg shaving system and salmonella-killing spray. Am I missing some great cosmic connection here?
What I’m not missing is their monthly email newsletters meant to enlighten my domestic world. How’d I have survived this summer without knowing, “Moms like you care about kitchen cleanliness and killing bacteria like Salmonella, but you also don't want to use bleach and cleaners.” I do? I don’t?
I’m so confused! I thought I just wanted to make it through the half way mark of summer vacation without resorting to hiding in the crawl space again. It was starting to get a little crowded down there with all the yard tools and now the dogs insist on joining me. I guess they have their time limits with the kids too.
The newsletter informed me, “Summer grilling season means hot and tasty food, but it also means baked-on, burnt-on food and grease cleanup. The good news: you don't have to dread post-barbecue cleaning with Easy-Off Bam Universal Degreaser.” Darn tootin’ I don’t have to dread post-barbecue cleaning — that’s my husband’s job. If he grills, he cleans and I don’t care how he does it or what product he uses. By then my glass of wine and I are curled up with summer reruns of House and my name is no longer “Mom.”
“Lysol Brand Sanitizing Wipes are the convenient way to clean and disinfect your household surfaces this summer. When used as directed, Lysol Brand Sanitizing Wipes kill 99.9% of household germs* in 30 seconds. Register to receive two FREE samples of Lysol Sanitizing Wipes. *Salmonella, Escheria coli, Influenza A2 (Japan). Offer available while supplies last.”
How come the Influenza A2 is only available to housewives in Japan? And how much can I kill with two free wipes? More importantly, do I have the patience to wait 30 seconds while the germs scream, “I’m melllllting…”
Once the germs are dead, the perky people behind this newsletter want me to have fun. As if killing germs didn’t tip my fun meter off the dial for the day. “School’s out this month and so is the sun!” (They obviously haven’t checked the forecast at my house — we’re on our 3rd week of rain.) “Looking for exciting family-focused summer activities?” (Not particularly.) “Here are 10 great summer-fun ideas that adults and kids will love.”
“Set up the sprinkler!” It’s raining, remember?
“Visit a theme park!” Too many germs and you only sent me two towelettes.
“Have a cookout, attend a ball game, hit the beach!” Again, rain, rain, rain.
“Host neighborhood movie night!” Now this we’ve tried before; let me think…all the kids ended up watching the movie while the dads engaged in a death-defying billiards game and the mommies hid in my room with our wine and wait —
Where’s my phone?
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at BusStopMommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)
