What are you doing this afternoon? Want to come to the dedication of the new library wing named after my family? That’s right, the new Concord Regional Rinehart Library ribbon cutting ceremony is today! The new wing has been funded solely on the overdue book fines my family has accrued and paid over the past four-and-a-half years.
In an effort to encourage kids of all ages to visit the library more often, I’ve designed the branch to feel like home, but quieter. Therefore, no phones, televisions, and volume on the computers will be allowed. Dog attendance is permitted and even encouraged, however, patrons with barkaholic dogs need not attend. The quiet rule applies to them too. Otherwise, the wing has all the comforts of this Bus Stop Mommy’s home.
The bathrooms will be sanitary enough, but I can’t guarantee there won’t be baby powder residue and thinning hairline evidence on the floors. If there’s an empty cardboard toilet paper tube in place instead of a useable roll, you’ll have to wait for the next woman to enter for it to be replaced. Naturally there are baby diaper changing station in both the Men’s and Women’s restrooms, completely stocked with sanitizing wipes and biohazard trash bags.
The furniture is a collection of hand me downs from my in-laws, but reupholstered in a heavy duty, extra sturdy, dark, stain-hiding hue of olive drab. The cushions are stuffed with leftover down comforters since I’m too cheap to have a professional rework the down and foam filling. Even though the wing rule states no dogs are allowed on the furniture, you’ll be covered with your share of fur after lounging.
The new Rinehart wing has a kitchen! It’s strictly self-serve, except for Wednesdays when I whip up my World Famous Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches on Whole Wheat. For a donation to the Rinehart Wing Book Fund, I’ll cut off the crusts. Please note, due to the high volume of users expected in the kitchen, please limit your time standing in front of the open refrigerator staring blindly at the contents to ten minutes per visit.
Use of coasters on tables is mandatory, even though I don’t expect anyone except my mother to follow this rule. Please be kind and replace books where you found them out of courtesy to the next reader. Do not, and I mean this, read or otherwise handle any of the books in the new wing after eating nacho flavored tortilla chips or cheese puffs.
Finally, the wing features an extensive selection of DVDs and CDs, including every Hank The Cowdog audio book ever released. (If you’re looking for something R-rated, please visit your local rental facility instead.) We will carry the entire programming line from the following channels: History, Discovery, Italian-American, HGTV, and DIY. Younger and older fans of Wishbone, Arthur, Magic School Bus and Bill Nye the Science Guy will be in their element!
See you there!
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at www.busstopmommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)
