Dear Family,
By the time you find this note I will have officially begun my Annual Bus Stop Mommies Day of Rebellion. If you were allowed to find me, I’d be in bed. But since you are to make no contact with me for the next 24 hours, pretend you don’t know where I am.
Do not try and wander the house or neighborhood yelling, “Mom! Mom? Where are you Mom? Mom, I’m hungry! Mom, the dog barfed again! Mom, when’s dad getting home?” I will not answer as I have changed my name. For the next 24 hours it is not “Mom.” And no, I will not tell you what my new name is — it wouldn’t matter, I won’t answer to that one either unless it is a fellow Rebelling Bus Stop Mommy announcing the Chardonnay is chilled to perfection and asking which wine glass charm would I prefer today?
And if you see me riding on the back of Linda’s Harley around the neighborhood, do not wave. I will not wave back. I will be clinging on for dear life but trying my best to look cool and rebellious. Just pretend you don’t know me.
On the front door you will find a poster with a picture of me holding a mop surrounded by a big red circle with a fat red line across it. Leave it there. There will be similar posters on several other doors up and down the cul de sac. Behind them live other mommies who threw down their dishrag and screamed, “That’s it! I’m taking a day off and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”
And do not try to use the dogs with their puppy eyed-I’ll-pee-on-the-new-carpet-if-you’re-not-around look. The stain remover is under the kitchen sink. Make good use of it.
When I am slouched on the couch in my nonmatching pajamas with sole possession of the remote control, you need to be quiet. Lifetime is running a girly movie marathon all day. Don’t even think of touching that ice cream in the freezer. It’s my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I will not be getting up off my duff to wipe the dogs’ muddy paws before they come inside. Handle it. I will let the paper towel and toilet paper spindles stay empty so you better refresh your memory on where refills are kept in this joint.
You children can find a way to get yourselves to the barn, golf course or friend’s house. Answer the phone before it disturbs me and when, at any point during the day you get hungry, do not bother me. I will be busy painting my toenails.
And Honey, when you get home from work and want to tell me about your day, don’t. I’ll just put up The Hand, “Shhh! Move out of my way, Elle’s about to demonstrate the Bend and Snap!”
Love you mean it,
The Woman Formerly Known as Mom
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at BusStopMommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)
