There is no magic formula for discipline. Some children will respond positively to almost any approach, while others will challenge their parents at every turn – even in the same family.
You need to decide what works for you and each of your children. To accomplish this, some general principles may be helpful.
• Discipline is the method by which you help your children become disciples. It must therefore include instruction on what TO DO as well as instruction on what NOT TO DO. Positive instruction (what to do) is the more important activity.
• To give instruction effectively, you need to be in charge. The best question to ask yourself when dealing with a “situation” is, “Who is in control in this picture?” If the answer isn't YOU, you are doing it wrong. Changing tactics so you ARE in control is your responsibility – not your child's.
• Be specific about your expectations. Clearly communicate what you expect from your children in a particular situation – both positively (stay close to me in this shopping mall), and negatively (do not touch anything in this store).
• Quiet persistence is more effective than sporadic blow-ups. If a child knows that a particular behavior is NEVER tolerated or ALWAYS expected, he will be less likely to try to rebel. The best discipline is invisible.
• Practice what you preach. Good example is the best teacher. Bad example (“do what I say, not what I do”) is the surest method of ensuring rebellion.
• Have discipline goals that are realistic. Your children's age, intelligence, activity level, and gender will all have an impact on what they can do, so you will probably have different standards for “acceptable behavior” for each child in your family.
• Pick your battles. Everything is not equally important. However, once you have decided that a particular area is worth a battle – be sure you prevail.
• Whenever possible, do not shield your child from the natural consequences of his behavior. They can be extremely effective motivators for behavior change.
• Spend time with your child that is not disciplinary. Lots of time. Be sure he knows that you love him, and that he is first on your priority list for how you spend your day as well as your dollar. Discipline given by someone who loves us is the most likely to be accepted without rebellion.
• Pray daily. Pray with your child, and pray for your child. Children are gifts from God HImself, and He has promised us the graces necessary to make disciples of the precious and immortal souls entrusted to us. We only need to ask.
Copyright 2002. National Parents Commission. All rights reserved.
Peg Luksik, Ph.D., is the president of the National Parents Commission.