Prayer has never come easily to me. I agree very much with C.S. Lewis, who compared prayer to exercise: it's difficult to begin, and a relief when it's done. I'll admit it — I'm simply lazy. But if I am praying for all the right reasons, even my laziness won't get in the way.
I tend to approach the Christian Walk as a checklist. With a checklist before me, I can simply do my “duty” and move on. Morning Offering? -Check. Noon Angelus? -Check. Family Rosary? -Check. Prayer over Dinner? -Check. Pat on the Back? -You betcha.
The human spirit is prone to this sort of small-minded, miserly selfishness. After all, who wants to do more than is expected? If I know exactly what is expected of me, I know exactly how far to go, how much of myself to give to be good. It's all downhill from here … the Rosary becomes a meaningless repetition, the Angelus more of a mere acknowledgment than a greeting. Even a daily Mass is dangerously close to becoming just an accomplishment. (“When will this Mass be over?”) I wonder what God must think of this. Does He really want to be another duty?
In our home, all six children have duties, or chores, they are expected to carry out. Sometimes, the only way to get the kids to finish up is to put the fear of Mommy in them. “If you don't finish in 10 minutes, I'm gonna (fill in your favorite threat here)!” I really hate doing that. I'd much rather that they work as part of this team called family. Their chores can be completed as an expression of their love for the rest us. I wonder if this isn't what God was thinking when he inspired Paul to speak of the cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:6). Our Loving Father wants us to see ourselves as members of this human family — praying as an expression of love to Our King. Praying for the good of our neighbor.
It's not as if there's anything we can do to make up for our shortcomings, after all. That's why Jesus died on the Cross. No amount of prayer or meditation, or spiritual-minded sacrifice will make us holy. Grace alone can do that. Grace isn't something for which we can bribe God with our miserly moments of prayer. Grace is a gift. It's found, not purchased. It's given, not sold. And it's waiting for us in true moments of prayer. Prayer that is given out of Love, not from a sense of duty.
So I think that what Father Confessional was really telling me was not to put aside the prayer, but to put aside the attitude. To form a new attitude of what prayer is, and why we do it.
According to the Catechism, Prayer is “both a gift of grace, and a determined effort on our part” [2725]. In other words, it is a battle wherein we resolve to keep our flesh on task, and the Holy Spirit answers that resolve with power and grace. Prayer comes “also from the Holy Spirit and not from [ourselves] alone” [2710]. Prayer and the Christian Life are inseparable.
Paul admonishes us to pray “without ceasing.” Certainly, fervent prayer can be offered while driving, shopping, or working. But it is the scheduled times of prayer that do much to build us in Faith and in Love. Under the Heading of “The Life of Prayer”, the Catechism quotes St. Gregory of Nazianzus: “… we cannot pray “at all times” if we do not pray at specific times. These are special times of Christian prayer, both in intensity and duration.” [2697]. Certainly, God doesn't need our prayers. Paul doesn't call us to constant prayer because God will be sad without it. I am the needy one. I am the unfaithful daughter who learns repeatedly to fall in Love with Our Lord. And when I reach down and offer my prayers with an effort of love instead of duty … oh, sweet reward.
Whether the prayers I say are vocal, meditative, or contemplative, I am learning to offer them from the bounty of God's goodness to me. And when I put aside my checklist attitude (and those occasional glances at my watch), I see that God loves me anyway — with or with out the list. Prayer is a gift. A gift from me, and to God. It's an expression of my love and gratitude for His goodness to me. I approach my Lord and Savior, not out of fear — I am drawn to Him by Love. The Holy Spirit is changing me, transforming me from a person of religion into a person of Faith. Prayer becomes more and more a state of joy; an expression of my own deepening love for God. Praying “constantly” doesn't seem as unrealistic as I had once thought.
Oh, and that checklist I had? I left it at the confessional … the list had grown too short.
(For more reading on the Prayer Life of the Christian, see Part Four of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.)
