It was Saturday — early August, 98 degrees with 347% humidity. I dragged the dogs outside where they dug behind the boxwoods until Chinese barking could be heard. The neighbors said I’m nuts for gardening in such heat, but it’s the perfect excuse to skip ironing and drink beer. A sip for me, a sip for the slugs…
My husband called from Lowes Home Improvement Center (“Home Improvement” is just another way of saying “Something’s Always Broken”). “I need to ask you a question.” He said in a “How-much-do-you-think-a-new-windshield-costs?” voice.
“Oh kaaay.”
“Do you want the Dancing Holly Jolly Christmas Tigger or the Bell Ringing Let It Snow Winnie the Pooh?”
“No. Way.”
“Way.”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…”
Dogs howled, squirrels fell from trees. My daughter ran outside, grabbed the hose and let loose. “Mom! snap out of it!”
“But, but, Santa hasn’t ridden down the snow covered hill on the Norelco razor… School hasn’t started…”
Scott asked the store manager why they put the stuff out so early. “Just obeying orders from the Higher Ups.”
“I understand. What’s the Higher Ups’ email address?”
He came home and wrote to the regional manager, protesting Christmas merchandise out during the summer. “We have customers who tell us they really appreciate us stocking Christmas supplies this early!” Mr. Higher Up replied.
I love it when Retail Store Managerial Types treat paying customers like total dolts. I can just see their training sessions now — Lesson One: How to tell a customer his opinion is worthless, without really saying so.
As I checked out at Target last week (a low record total of $98.91), each bag the cashier handed me ripped. “Can you double bag those please? I’d like to make it to my car without the Kotex landing on the asphalt.” The cashier happily obliged.
Coincidentally, there was a manager in line behind me with another customer. “I don’t know if you have any say in the matter, but could you please let the person who purchases your bags know these are poor quality? They rip so easily — they did this last week when I was here and I had to double bag everything myself.”
“No one else has ever had a problem with those bags before.” I held up the ripped double-bagged sack and said, “Well I do. And I had it last week and I’m telling you about it now. Please don’t make me feel stupid by saying no one else has had a problem with them.”
“Well, the corners of those binders you bought can rip bags.”
“Miss, every single bag rips as soon as one item goes in. How sharp do think the corners of this dish towel are? But hey, Don’t mind me,” I shrugged as I swiped my VISA through the little do-it-yourself box, “What do I know? I’m just a paying customer.”
Who will not miss shopping there or buying Christmas goods during summer.
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at BusStopMommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)
