My cousin just sent me pictures from her summer wedding. Ah, the memories-her dress, the music, the flowergirl, all the happy faces, me riding to the church with my legs propped up on the dash board in front of the air vents with the a/c on high, praying my self tanner would dry before we pulled in the parking lot.
I'd waited until the last minute to get dressed for the wedding. I had mentally chosen the dress 4 months earlier when the invitation arrived, so what else was there to do? Well, trying on the dress to make sure it still fit would have been one good idea. I probably should have paid more attention to what shoes my little niece was wearing when I said she could go play in the puddles. I only owned one pair of strappy summer heels.
But most importantly, I should have thrown more than two pair of pantyhose in my suitcase before I drove to rural Wisconsin and checked into a quaint hotel 2 hours from the closest Walgreens or Nordstrom. I must have missed the note, "Disposable" on the package, as the first pair ran after five minutes. That left me with the "Super Shapely Control!" pair. Fine, I over did it on the bar pretzels the night before-I needed the help. I didn't get my big toe into the second leg before my circulation was cut off and I started feeling faint.
"Mom? Are you all right? Why are you dancing around? We have to leave soon!"
"I'm fine, Sweetie. Honest. Just tell me you packed your self tanning spray and let Mommy borrow it, okay?"
Did I mention I loathe wearing hose? Thankfully, so few occasions in my glamorous domestic life require me to wear hose, but every once in a while duty calls. And like any good former Girl Scout, I'm prepared. In my closet collecting dust is a shopping bag full of fresh hose for any occasion. I made sure to include your standard issues, control tops, summer weight, winter weight, built in panties, light support, heavy support, thigh highs, open toed, taupes, blacks and sixteen shades of nude.
This year, my husband's office holiday party is being held in a beautiful hotel across town and has been designated Semi-Formal. The upside is I have the rare excuse to dress up in something fancier than my "good" jeans. The downside is I have to wear hose. I'm not taking any chances. I'm bringing along a dozen pair.
Although I understand they now make a quick drying self tanner….
