The sun was shining with the promise spring was here to stay. We were walking through the village working hard to look like Ladies Who Lunch — not the frazzled housewives/part time job holders/mommies with mildewing laundry in the washer waiting for us at home. We'd all just come off of wearier than usual weeks thanks to one particular species, whose initials spell, M.A.L.E
I looked at the swanky new condos above the restaurant, quickly being purchased and furnished with hip, nonplastic patio furniture and nonplastic coated patio furniture cushions. "Hey Lynn, Silvia. Let's buy a condo." Used to me babbling bizarre, out of the blue statements, they didn't break stride when asking, "What for?"
"A vacation house! Think about it — short commutes from our homes, mere steps away from The Wine Room and E Noodles…whataya think?"
"Girls only?"
"Absolutely! Accessible only by members with a special bar-coded keycard."
"Then the three of us will interview applicants who'll pay a membership fee to cover the mortgage and utilities?"
"Right! And we'll have very few house rules…then again, we won't need them because only women will be allowed. Ever."
We twirled our Pud Thai with chopsticks in hand and dreamy looks in our eyes while we contemplated life in our Girls Only Vacation Condo.
No laundry items will have skid marks. The dryer lint trap will always be cleaned and no one will announce an hour before their school bus/flight leaves they're out of clean underwear/khakis.
No razor stubble or toothpaste globs will grace our bathroom sinks. No toilet will go unflushed or left with a raised seat. The floor around the commode will remain dry.
All dirty socks, none of which collected from the ottoman, couch cushions or shoes in front of the refrigerator, will come out of the laundry with their partners.
All toilets will be full force, high gallon, nonclogging models. Water conservation can be so overrated. No bathroom will require FEMA intervention after use.
Matches will be used for lighting candles, the fireplace and grill. Not for extinguishing odors.
Showers will be uninterrupted — no unanswered phones, screaming, toilet flushing or car washing. Razors won't be "borrowed." Salon shampoo won't be used on the dog.
There'll be enough hot water to fill the jacuzzi and all baths will remain uninterrupted.
Remote controls for the Sport-less TV never go missing.
Sacred Piles will never be questioned let alone disturbed.
Within immediate reach and when needed, there will be an operable writing utensil and nondoodled piece of paper.
No paper towel or toilet paper spindle will be left empty. All replacement rolls will roll from the top down. Like God and gravity intended.
Car keys and rear view mirrors will remain where we left them.
We'll never have to repeat ourselves.
The Wine Room delivers.
It'll be worth answering the phone.
So, who's in with us??
