I walked into the kitchen the other day and found one of our three-month-old kittens standing on her hind legs on top of the footstool trying to reach for things on the counter.
While I stood amazed she quickly showed me a few other things she’d learned, like how to sample cupcakes and eat leftovers from lunch all while leaving evidence that suspiciously looked as if one of the children had been up to no good.
Ever notice that how kids and pets play off one another? They can either be partners in crime or public enemy number one to the other. It all depends on what favor the odds are. When it comes to stealing food, all is fair game.
Mom: Who was into the cupcakes?
Children: Do you think it was one of the cats?
See? It’s the power of suggestion. I can’t blame a child if there is any reasonable doubt and the kids KNOW this. It’s one of my weaknesses. My husband doesn’t have that problem because he doesn’t care.
That’s his job, to not care, because he is the father.
(I’m the mother, the emotional one. I care about everything far too much and far too long afterward when everyone else has forgotten it.)
My husband’s motto is: “All children are guilty until proven innocent.” This works for him. Like I said, he’s the FATHER. The kids expect this and even look at me like I’m nuts if I try to plea-bargain for them.
So I’ve learned my place. It’s somewhere between “Hey, what’s going on here?” and “If I find out it’s you, there’s going to be trouble!”
My husband is the heavy. He thinks the incontrovertible evidence that the children are guilty IS BECAUSE the children are guilty.
I’m the soft mush. No one listens to me!! Threats from mom are just the fluff that comes with the territory. All my evidence is circumstantial.
Child: Mom, are you absolutely sure that it was me or could one of the cats have knocked over that vase?
(That I even give it a moment’s consideration means I’ve lost the case. So I’ve got to be even sneakier than the kids to win my day in court.)
Mom: Somebody has been in the cookie jar.
Child: Um, I saw one of the cats over there a while ago.
Mom: I can’t believe those cats would do such a thing!
Child: Remember, um, the, ah, cupcakes?
Mom: I guess the cats really like oatmeal raisin…
Child: I thought they were chocolate—
Mom: Ah-HA!
I might be the light-weight feather-brain around here when it comes to pleading cases, but I’ve got MOM RADAR that can trap a kid in a lie faster than super glue can stick your hands together. (Don’t ask how I know — I was just curious!) All I’ve got to do now is bring the evidence to my husband and the kids are sunk. The consequences will be meted out. The case is closed.
Yep, it’s a trait that moms have possessed since the dawn of time. For ages kids have been tripping over ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’ whenever mom’s radar locks in on them.
And they’ll be doing it for a long time to come.
And yet, time and time again, it amazes me that these sweet children I carried for nine-months would LIE to me! It’s enough to bring a mom to tears, which brings up a mom’s other secret weapon: GUILT. But that’s another story.
(Jelly Mom is written by Lisa Barker, a busy mom of five, and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent to Parent. To read more, visit www.JellyMom.com.)
