Plucking the Strings of the Heart
While others raise their voices in song, I tend to lower mine to a whisper. One side-effect is that I actually don't know the words to many songs except “Happy Birthday.” So you can imagine how dismayed I was as a new mom when well-meaning people kept advising me to sing to my baby.
Still, in the privacy of my home, I warbled the odd nursery song and was amazed to learn that my infant son loved listening to me. It's a very intimate thing singing to someone you hold in your arms. Those crazy people who told me to invent little songs for difficult transitions were right: I could make up a nonsense song to a borrowed tune or none at all, about nap time or “let's take a bubble bath,” and it worked, in a Pavlovian kind of way, to alert him to the coming change.
Gradually, after taking Max to an infant music class called Music Together, I broadened my repertoire. After he hurtled himself out of the crib and started sleeping on a low bed, I went through a period where I never left the room until he was asleep, so afraid was I that he'd fall out. I would tell him a favorite bedtime story, often “Goldilocks”, then I would sing the same simple lullaby night after night.
Flash forward to now, when my son is turning 11, and I promise you, he will leave the room if I sing. But I know he still remembers that lullaby, because I have heard him sing it to his favorite stuffed animal (your lips are sealed, right?)
Music has a mysterious power over us: it plucks the strings of our innermost selves and stirs up primal emotions, especially when the music is tied to memories.
One chorus from a rock song I loved in college can conjure up my entire emotional climate at the time. I still can't hear a silly patter song by Gilbert and Sullivan without crying, because my late mother loved that music so much. I remember a few years ago, when my nephew was in a coma after a car crash, and my sister said that one of the few things that kept her sane during her hospital vigil was continually singing “Amazing Grace” at his bedside. (Here I must insert that unlike myself, my sister has a glorious voice. She sings in her church choir, and even sings solos there.)
Looking back, I can see that my family does have some music rituals, even though we can't sing and don't play any instruments. We keep a special box of favorite Christmas albums and don't play them until Thanksgiving. When we celebrate the Winter Solstice, we play the Beatles song “Here Comes the Sun.” And every Sunday morning, we start the day by playing either classical music (often opera) or musicals.
The Magic of Live Music
Perhaps the best music rituals I've done, I now realize, were the two occasions outside my wedding when I hired musicians to play live for a small celebration. Both times, the effect was magical and the bill smaller than I feared. I honestly believe the world would be a better place with more live music.
When I turned 35, I threw a small dinner party at a friend's Manhattan apartment with a stunning view. I wanted it to be black tie but not feel stuffy. In a small downtown club I had heard a group of sassy women who called themselves the Polly Holiday Trio and I got their phone number and asked if they did parties. For a modest fee, they agreed to come sing at my party for 45 minutes. Wearing glittery '50s prom gowns and cowboy boots, they played guitar and sang a wide range of catchy old songs like “Little Red Corvette.” They wound up with “Happy Trails” and “Happy Birthday.” I should add that at the start, they made me close my eyes. When I opened them, all my friends were wearing pointy party hats, and I was given a cardboard tiara. What a blast!
Years later, when my husband reached a milestone birthday, I decided to enliven the dinner at our house with music. My husband loves classical guitar music, and we happened to hear a fine guitarist at a nearby restaurant. I called to get his phone number and though he was booked for that night, he recommended another musician who was fantastic. It was a wonderful surprise for my husband to have this unexpected mini-concert in our living room between cocktails and dinner, and one of his presents was the guitarist's first CD.
A Tune for Hire
When it comes to finding musicians, I think you'll be surprised how easy it is. Look in the local newspaper and ask friends. There's an excellent small choir college in my town and there may be a music school near you, or a college with a good music program. If you belong to a church, you may find professional or professional-caliber musicians there.
Locate the musicians well in advance of your event. If you can't hear them perform live, ask for a tape or CD and check references. Discuss in advance how long you'd like them to play, what sort of music, and whether they will be the center of attention or background music. Many will have a “play list” of their most requested tunes, and will be happy to suggest other pieces to fit the mood, occasion or theme. Draw up a contract and sign it, so everyone is clear on the plan.
Be creative: there are so many ways to do this. Hire a young singer to lead a singalong at your Christmas party. Next time you have a cocktail party, hire a piano player to regale the crowd with cabaret classics.
Add music to your family’s special events and you will add a new dimension to their memory of those milestone occasions.
This article is adapted from a free newsletter written by author and traditions expert Meg Cox. Her latest book, The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays & Everyday, is available in paperback from Amazon.com or your local bookstore.
