Elon Musk, the famed billionaire tech mogul, is widely recognized for possessing some of the most innovative companies in the world. For many, Musk has everything one can ever dream of, with enough wealth to sustain anyone for several lifetimes. However, he made an intimate revelation about himself in a Rolling Stones interview in 2017.
In the interview Musk states, “I will never be happy without having someone.” “Going to sleep alone kills me.” Musk sheds light on a natural desire that is exclusive to the human condition. The desire for a romantic partner.
Nevertheless, Musk’s admission of loneliness also highlights a problem in society. According to the Institute for Family Studies, “Only about 60% of 35-year-old men are ever married today, down from 90% in 1980.” Additionally, it is forecasted that one-third of men and women aged 45 in the year 2050 will not be married.
Considering the lack of interest in marriage today and the bleak prognosis for the future, Musk’s revelation is heartbreaking. His statements appeal to something that no amount of money can attain.
The iconic rock band, The Beatles, captured this yearning well with the words to their famous song “Can’t Buy Me Love,” but love is more than just not going to sleep alone. Love is giving oneself to another as a gift and a promise that can only be fulfilled in marriage.
Men and Women, a Match Made from Heaven
Musk makes his desires clear when he mentions, “I’m looking for a long-term relationship. I’m not looking for a one-night stand. I’m looking for a serious companion or soulmate, that kind of thing.”
In his catechesis on love and marriage, titled Man and Women He Created Them: A Theology of the Body, John Paul II explains how men and women are made specifically for the purpose of companionship.
The Holy Father uses elements from scripture to highlight this point. In the story of Genesis, Adam realizes that he is different from the rest of creation when he cannot find a suitable partner (Gen. 2:20). God says that “it is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). God then creates Eve from Adam’s side (Gen. 2:21).
There is something unique about the creation of Eve, as she is the only creature fashioned from Adam’s side. Revealing something profound and exclusive to them, by virtue of sharing the same substance. Although distinct, they complement each other. Hence Adam’s words when he gazes upon Eve for the first time, and declares, “This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23). Adam’s expression provides a deeper meaning as it also reveals the nuptial character of his body, which was not known prior. Through the complementary features of Eve’s body, he realizes that he was made for her, and she for him.
God’s purpose for men and women becomes more evident when we read that “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one-flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
If Musk demonstrates anything through his admission, it is that the longing for companionship is deeply ingrained in the human condition. Musk affirms what has been revealed in scripture. Companionship is good, and men and women were made to satisfy that desire in its most optimum form.
People Are Made for Love
The document Uno Caro, published by the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith, reveals how our current society suffers from several distortions surrounding love, leading to high divorce rates, weakened marriages, and trivializing non-monogamous forms of relationships. Despite all this, the culture still basks in the echoes of the past, with that of “the myth of the great love that is unique and exclusive.” However, the current social landscape is often counterproductive and hostile to this idea. Musk’s desire not to go to bed alone is understandable, but this sentiment can often become disordered. In Musk’s case, the desire can become disordered when using another person to avoid loneliness.
Pope John Paul II details the idea at length in his book Love and Responsibility by appealing to the “personalistic-norm.” The Holy Father informs us that a person can never be a means to an end, as this would violate their human nature. Doing so would undermine their dignity and worth. The Holy Father explains that people are valuable because they are created in the image of God, possessing self-will and determination. Human beings have the capacity to know themselves in a way that no other creature can. Of all creatures, they have the capacity to love and to know that they are loved. Because of this, people are “a good” unto themselves, to which the only proper end for them is love.
Love is More Than a Feeling
Musk expresses his desire for love when he reveals in the interview, “If I’m not in love, if I’m not with a long-term companion, I cannot be happy.” Being in love is a sentiment familiar to many. However, the feeling can often become distorted. Although Musk’s intentions may be pure, feeling “in love” is not the same as loving someone.
John Paul II in Love and Responsibility addresses the topic of “sentiments.” Sentiments are described as the source of “natural emotional energy,” but these emotions cannot be mistaken for love itself. However, they are “raw material” designed to draw human beings outside themselves toward another person. Just as hunger and thirst lead to food and water for nourishment, the proper ends of such feelings are not the feelings themselves, but the person they lead to. For love to flourish, the Holy Father informs us that these feelings must be more than “emotional impulses” and must be subordinated to the good of the other through a “willful commitment”—a willful commitment that finds satisfaction in marriage.
Feelings are never an accurate representation of love because they are fluid. Rather, love must be grounded in something more stable, such as a promise. In his book One Body: An Essay in Christian Sexual Ethics, philosopher Alexander Pruss notes that romantic love must be unconditional. For it to be unconditional, it must also include an obligation. Pruss states that “Thus, while uttering one’s marriage vows, one is both generating the unconditional obligation of the future and accepting that obligation.” Anything less would not be love but a self-seeking love that is transient and conditional. If feelings are the goal of attainment in a relationship, disappointment will always follow.
Love Finds Its Fulfillment in Marriage
John Paul II describes the willful commitment to another as a “gift of self.” It is in being a gift to another that one can express love faithfully. Through their design, men and women have a natural propensity to express their love as a gift to each other. This natural aptitude for giving themselves to one another is unique in that it allows them to not only discover themselves more fully but also live out the purpose of their lives.
The Holy Father elaborates further by stating that “femininity finds itself, in a sense, in the presence of masculinity, while masculinity is confirmed through femininity.” True love demands a genuine act of self-giving. It is a commitment to always be by each other’s side and push each other toward holiness. The proper end for love between a man and a woman is marriage, with the promise of always helping one another to fulfill their natural and supernatural ends. St. Paul encapsulates this well in his letter to the Corinthians in which he states:
Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interest, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things…endures all things. (1 Cor.13:4-7)
Musk’s aspirations for love are praiseworthy, but love does not demand his money; all it requires is himself.
Photo by Ibrahim Fareed on Unsplash
