On October 20th, 2003 an article appeared by Andrew Sullivan in the New York Times lamenting the alleged fact that the Catholic Church “has gone beyond its doctrinal opposition to emotional or sexual relationships between gay men and lesbians to an outspoken campaign against them.” This article, entitled “Losing a Church, Keeping the Faith” also appeared on Andrew Sullivan’s weblog.
The Other Side of the Issue
As a Catholic who experiences same-sex attractions but has a very different viewpoint than that which Mr. Sullivan holds, I feel that I must respond. In a country that believes in freedom of speech and freedom of the press, it is crucial that both sides of an issue be heard. Mr. Sullivan is the “heads” side of the coin, and I am the “tails.” We are both Catholics who experience same-sex attractions, and who struggle with reconciling that part of ourselves with our Catholic faith. Thus, I feel that it is not only my right to bring the “tails” side of the coin to light, but also my responsibility. It would be wrong to let the world believe that Mr. Sullivan’s opinion is the opinion of all Catholics who experience same-sex attractions, commonly known as homosexuality. While those who share my beliefs are a minority in the “gay community,” we do exist, and it’s time for the world to hear what we have to say.
First, I want to say that I empathize with Mr. Sullivan’s pain. I have experienced the intense dichotomy between being a faithful Catholic and being an active homosexual, and I recognize that neither of those facets of our lives is easy to give up. On the one hand, both Mr. Sullivan and I love the Catholic Faith. On the other hand, same-sex attractions have long been a part of our lives and it is not easy to submit to the possibility that we will never marry, that we will never be priests or religious, that we will be restricted in many ways because of those same-sex attractions which seem very much a natural part of life for us. Because I can empathize with Mr. Sullivan’s feelings, I do not in any way condemn him. Rather, I offer an alternative for how to deal with the problem of being a Catholic and also having same-sex attractions.
Love Shown in Obedience
Like Mr. Sullivan, I love the Catholic Church. I differ from Mr. Sullivan in that I believe that love of the Catholic Church is also obedience to the Catholic Church. Jesus Himself said that those who love Him must also keep His commandments. Faithful Catholics believe that the Church is not only the institution that He founded to pass on His teaching, but also His Body in a mystical and mysterious way. Thus, in order to love the Church and in order to love Jesus, we must obey the commandments of the Church, commandments that are also the commandments of Jesus. It’s precisely because I do love the Church and because I do believe it is the Mystical Body of Christ that I endeavor to obey it. It’s precisely because I love the Church and Jesus that I will not leave them, no matter how hard it may be to obey them and no matter how many times I fall when I should be flying.
Mr. Sullivan has indicated that the only real options for Catholics who experience same-sex attractions are either a total exodus from the Church or only a minimal or limited participation in the life of the Church. Society would have us believe that this is the truth, but the truth is that there are other options open to us. Catholics who experience same-sex attractions can participate fully in the life of the Church, and are encouraged to do so. But participation in the life of the Church also means participation in the universal call to chastity, and chastity means celibacy for those who experience same-sex attractions. As painful as this may be, it is our cross to bear, along with Christ who bore a much more difficult Cross before us.
Yes, there are restrictions on Catholics who experience same-sex attractions. We cannot marry, for instance, because God has ordained that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman so that the unitive and procreative aspects of sexuality will be left open. At this time, we cannot be priests or religious because the Church has decided, as a matter of discipline, that those who experience same-sex attractions should be barred from the priesthood and religious life. Rather than being an unfair restriction, this is viewed by the Church as something to aid those who do experience same-sex attractions in living our call to chastity. Seminaries are not co-ed, nor are convents, friaries, and monasteries. The constant exposure to those of the same sex could present a serious obstacle to chastity for us, and the Church is first and foremost concerned with the preservation of our souls — a preservation that includes helping us live our call to chastity.
Called to Holiness and Service
But there are options for those who experience same-sex attractions! There is the possibility of consecrated life, and even membership in religious associations and apostolic movements like Regnum Christi, Opus Dei, and many others. As Catholics who experience same-sex attractions and also follow the call to chastity, we can be involved in many levels of ministry. We can serve the Church as lectors, altar servers, choir members, extraordinary Eucharistic ministers, Eucharistic ministers to the sick, members of parish councils, youth ministers, directors of religious education, and in many other ministries.
And contrary to popular belief, there are outreaches for those who experience same-sex attractions but want to participate in the Church’s universal call to chastity. One of the most popular and most well-known of these outreaches is the Courage Apostolate, which assists Catholics who experience same-sex attractions in living a life of chastity. Courage also assists Catholics who are interested in finding out if they can live as heterosexuals through reparative therapy, which would allow those Catholics to participate in the priesthood, religious life, and even the married life.
The reality of the situation is that the Church is willing to aid anyone — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual — who wants to try to live Christ’s call to holiness. The Church cannot allow active homosexuals nor any other sinners whose sin is public to serve in any level of ministry, because their service in ministry signifies that the Church condones their lifestyle. But to those who are willing to be in a constant process of lifelong conversion, the destiny of all faithful Catholics, the Church extends her arms and offers us the opportunity to live in her loving embrace. There is room in the Kingdom of God for everyone — all those who are willing to allow Christ to make them new people, people truly made in His image and likeness.
I’ll conclude with a quote from St. Padre Pio, a quote that has inspired me to try to reach holiness: “You don’t have to be worthy, you only have to be willing.” This is true for all those who would come to Christ’s Church. None are worthy, but the willing can experience the life of Christ that is experienced in the life of the Church. The Church’s call to holiness includes those who experience same-sex attractions, and if we will take up our crosses as Jesus requires, we can be active and valuable members of the Mystical Body of Christ.
As a young man who experiences same-sex attractions, I have finally chosen to take up my cross and follow Jesus Christ in His Catholic Church. I hope that you will recognize that this is an option for you, no matter where you are in life, and I hope that you will follow Jesus with me to Calvary, and to the new life that exists beyond it.
