[To read last week's article, click here.]
(Insert old timey organ music now.)
Last week, we found Karen glued to the phone with various assorted institutions and companies attempting to achieve what most dreamers refer to as Customer Service. She would have settled for a live human being who simply gave a darn. That is exactly what she did not find when the Medical ICU administrator from St. Luke’s hospital returned her call.
Let’s listen in.
“Ms. Rinehart, there’s not enough space to put a barcolounger in the ICU family waiting room.”
“There are 42 straight-back wooden armchairs in there with no more than six occupied at a time. There’s plenty of space!”
“There were never barcoloungers in there and there won’t be. We don’t have any extra ones on or off site. You can go downstairs to the first floor surgical waiting area. Maybe those chairs are more comfortable.”
“Gee golly, they’re not. And when the nurse says, ‘Don’t leave, his condition is unstable.’ We can’t go downstairs.”
“I can’t do anything about your other concerns….”
We interrupt this regularly scheduled programming due to inappropriate subject material. We will now rejoin an earlier recorded show. (More organ music here.)
While we were away, Karen unpacked her suitcase and pulled out her formerly favorite, now elastic deficient, panties. With all the courage she could muster, (and a swift chug of gin from the globe-shaped bar in the library) she called the company’s toll-free number.
“Hello, thank you for calling Jockey. To better serve you, we are fully staffed with Real Live Human Beings who care about helping you. To be connected with one trained to address your particular needs, please choose one of the following three options: If you are a comfort specialist or would like to learn more about our new home party business, please press one. If you’d like to place an order or check on an order at jockey.com, please press two. For all other inquires, just press three.”
Karen dropped her glass and Waterford shards flew across the orientals. “Oh Tammy,” she sobbed, “just when I found the perfect style….”
“Oh I know exactly how that is, I’m so sorry. Please let me send you either new products, any style you want, or a full refund plus the cost of shipping and handling.”
“But I threw away the packing and receipt!”
“No problem, those packages say, ‘Unconditional Satisfaction’ and we mean it. Karen? Are you there?”
“I’m sorry, I was momentarily stunned. I mean, you’re being so helpful and on top of that would you believe you’re the second live human being I’ve reached by phone today? Hello? Tammy? Hello?”
Next on Karen’s list: call the toll-free “customer service” line for her cordless telephone. But will she find the strength?
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at BusStopMommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)
