I remember desperately dragging two little girls to church at the ages of six months and two years. My husband was out of town once a month, so making my weekly obligation alone was something I definitely did out of duty rather than a sense of being fed. And when he was there to help, we both confessed a lack of active participation, to say nothing of the poor people who had to put up with sitting near us. It was hard. We tried bringing coloring books and other distractions which invariably made too much noise and had to be put away. We brought Cheerios which ended up on the floor. We would go sit in the crying room, where children were allowed to make as much noise as they wished, and many parents chattered instead of keeping up with the responses and prayers of the Mass. What was the point? Some days, I would leave church so fatigued and angry at these children, it was all I could do to let the Holy Spirit get me back in there the following week.
Sometime during this struggle, I met a friend who took her children regularly to Daily Mass. Daily Mass? Forget about it! I couldn’t get through the weekend masses, let alone deliberately getting up early to put myself through that same experience during the week. But her persistence inspired me, and I hesitatingly gave it a try.
Now, as a mom of five semi-obedient angels, I can see this as a turning point in my family’s faith life. I wasn’t able to commit to Daily Mass more than a few times a month, and even then the short 20-minute morning mass often sent me into a frenzy with my children. But there was training happening there for both me and my children. Valuable training which I believe laid the foundation for our Mass attendance today.
An occasional Daily Mass was an opportunity for my child to experience a much-shortened church encounter, with many fewer people around for mother to worry about upsetting. And I cannot even guess what number of graces came to this mom as we hit- and-miss tried to do the right thing. God is so good. He showed me other things that started helping us prepare for the normal Sunday Mass. My children and I started to notice other parts of the church and learn what they are. They would witness the faithful going before the statue of the Holy Family, or kneeling before the Tabernacle. “Can I go pray, too, Mommy?” “Mommy? Can we go look at the pictures on the wall? I want to know the story they tell.” Wow! This was so much better than rushing in and out, and then off to make Sunday Dinner! The children became more familiar with the sanctuary, and thus, more comfortable.
I can see now that children are apt to follow the rules of conduct when they are in familiar surroundings. We don’t give in to the idea of “well, Johnny is a two year-old, and will just do as he pleases” in other public places. Why should we think that is our only option at church? Witness little Johnny at the YMCA pool on the weekend. When he finds out that running on the deck earns you a time-out, he will decide for himself to follow the rules. And he is comfortable there.
The key, then, is familiarity. How can we take a relatively active two or four year-old child and acquaint them with the sanctuary in such a way as to lead to a relative serenity — or at least an uninterested quietude — for an hour on Sunday morning?
Many people would ask the same question in regard to nightly bedtime. And the experts usually say, “Establish a routine.” In the same way, establishing a routine around Sunday morning Mass may help children feel more at home in the sanctuary, and thus, more able to behave accordingly. Some of the following ideas have helped my husband and I greatly in molding our children’s ability to sit quietly through church.
Try your best to get to church 15 minutes early, but don’t immediately go to your seats. Do the bathroom thing now, and explain that there will be no bathroom break later. Note the colors in the church and what may have changed since you were last here. Do you have any favorite saint’s statues in your church? Go offer a little prayer before them. Many sanctuaries are a feast for the imagination, with statues, pictures, and even murals. Alerting your little ones to these visual effects may help them engage their active little imaginations during the parts of the Mass they cannot follow.
I know at least one of our children was enamored with the idea of all the guardian angels that accompanied the congregation, and how they rejoiced to get to see Jesus in the Eucharist each Sunday. Because the children have always enjoyed seeing what was happening around them, we have made a special effort to sit as close to the front as we can. Not only is this more interesting to them than watching the backs of people in front of them, it has been my experience that the children also feel a little exposed, and may be less likely to talk loudly or out of turn. Your own children may or may not be as sensitive to this. It is just another one of those options for you to consider as a parent.
In recognition of this training time, we have tried to stay away from simple diversions that don’t add to the value of the experience. Coloring books, balls, cars, dolls, and food generally are not part of the Mass experience, and so, we have done our best not to introduce them as such. If you find that the three year-old simply cannot make it through noon mass without something to eat, perhaps it is time to consider 10:30 Mass instead. If I find that I simply have to break down and offer them some “toy,” I try to keep in the context of church by having little saints stories, church books, and even plastic saint’s statues.
(Please look for Part 2 of this article in Monday’s Touched by Grace.)
