(If you missed Part 1 of Caroline Schermerhorn’s story on the importance of attending Mass with your kids, you can click on “Let the Little Children Come to Me” at the top of the left-hand column.)
It is amazing how the children start preparing for different parts of the Mass as we make them more familiar. My four year-old son is allowed to draw in a small purse-sized notebook with a pen only during the sermon. Afterwards, he knows to put it away, because Jesus in the Eucharist will be on the altar soon, and we want to give Him all our attention. He doesn’t necessarily like putting away this little diversion, but he has assumed responsibility for doing so, because he knows the alternative is to lose the privilege. These types of approaches are teaching him the various aspects of the Mass, as well as the behavior I expect of him. He also enjoys the knowledge of when the sign of peace is about to happen, and prepares for that well in advance.
If you consider the many different stances we take during Mass, as well as the vocal participation offered, you’ll realize how active an encounter the Mass is. Sit, stand, kneel…sit, stand, kneel…. Requiring even the three year-old to participate in this way helps her to direct the natural “wiggles” she experiences anyway. Although a child this age usually cannot read, he or she still enjoys the knowledge of “what comes next.” I will often go through the missalette, noting aloud where the responses of the congregation are written in bold typeface. “See, Johnny, after the priest says ‘peace be with you,’ we are to say, ‘and also with you.’ So, listen for it, and you will be ready to say it with the rest of us.”
I’ve always felt the Responsorial, whether sung or recited, was expressly written for the children. The repetition is easy to follow, and my little ones follow the nod of my head, so they know when to repeat the response. Outside of Mass, the training continues. Our family now expects that sometime on Sunday, usually at a family meal, The Question will be put to all: “What is something that you remember about church today?” The answer must touch upon something spcific to this mass, not something that happens regularly every week. And everyone must come up with something different. Every person in the family usually comes up with something entirely different: who served Mass, a song that was sung, the theme of the sermon, etc. Often, I hear something I don’t remember noticing myself.
All these little verbal cues and expectations are still a lot of work for a mother with four in the pew, one in her arms, and another on the way. But, they are part of the responsibility I accept for making my family a pleasure to be with, whether in or out of church. I do not employ all the strategies every Sunday, and sometimes I still end up pacing the back of the church or stepping momentarily outside to reprimand a disobedient four year-old. But the work involved far outweighs the frustration I used to experience on a weekly basis. Even on a bad day, the people around us seem to appreciate my efforts and look upon our comings and goings with compassion, rather than annoyance.
We have come to believe that children belong in the Mass alongside their parents. We have witnessed that children can be drawn into the activity of the Mass, and it has opened our own eyes to the richness of the experience. But we also acknowledge that it cannot happen without the prayerful, patient participation of the entire congregation. This is a training ground for the parents, as well as for the children. For, in seeking to explain the Mass to our children, we have had to come to grips with why we are there as well.
So if you are “lucky” enough to be sitting near the two year-old-from-Hell next Sunday, say a prayer for the child. Ask his guardian angel to give him a sense of peace. I have witnessed to the power of such prayer. Besides, it will accomplish a lot more than will a dirty look. And after Mass, encourage the mom and tell her that grace pours forth on her parenting each time she makes it to Mass. She will never forget your kindness, and you will be putting the Gospel into action in more ways than you realize.
Pastors who regularly field comments regarding the number of children in church could likely make many of the same comments regarding the adults in the congregation. Do you often hear adults whisper during Mass? Do many adults need to excuse themselves for various physiological needs? How many adults do you suppose are out the door immediately after receiving Communion? Are young children the only ones whose eyes occasionally glaze over and whose bobbing heads reflect their interest in the Gospel or the homily?
If we are to raise the next generation of Catholics, we must be willing to let them soak in Catholic culture. Dismissing them to another room for Mass, or requiring they sit in a noisy, crowded cry room will not give them any appreciation of the richness of the Catholic experience. And while parents must assume the responsibility to make the space around them pleasant, there will still be an occasional noisy fidget. For the rest of us, we must see that God is offering us yet another opportunity to excel in patience. For these are the small sacrifices that enable Jesus to enjoy the presence of his little ones, if only for an hour.
